Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[NikNik]

Hi everyone,

Last night we held a Topic Tuesday on  'caring for someone with bipolar'  with our wonderful special guest @Jo.

What I noticed was a lot of discussion about the impact those we can for can have on us - positive and negative.

In particular, there was a lot of discussion about how those we care for can hurt us, frustrate us and/or make us angry. 

The questions that kept coming up was:

Is it the illness or is it them?

Is it fair to have expectations on those we care for to treat us well?

Do we deserve to be emotionally fulfilled or has the illness taken this away?

I would love to continue this discussion, as this is different for everyone. 

@Heartworks @NoviceCarer @Mama_Penguin @Jane4 @Titanic @Shaz51 @9350 did you have any insights or experiences you wanted to share or tips you have to manage some of these issues?

[Jane4]

@NikNik The discussion last night was very helpful, thank you everyone. I am wondering if I should put your questions to my son...could be interesting to see how they perceive the situation. Can discuss more tonight.

[NikNik]

Let us know how you go @Jane4

[Jane4]

@NikNikHe's dissapeared under the covers again and has been in bed all day...will see if there are any opportunities over the Easter Hols.

I understand that Jo runs groups for carers...are you able to pass on any details?

[9350]

I know my wife finds it hard when she is depressed as when she sees me as a career rather than a husband. I remind her I do it to support her recovery and that I simply love her. Nobody likes tough love, but sometimes we just have to do what's best to bring them out of depression

[Appleblossom]

"Is it fair to have expectations that those we care for treat us well".

Yes in theory, but then I didnt really have a clue what being treated well was, which is probably why I was attracted into relationships with more seriously ill people.

With dysfunctional families there is often more than one person who has issues or an illness, so its often not just a sick person and carer dynamic.

So much depends on context and the nature of the relationship.  Is it spousal, parental, sibling or other?  Is the person older or younger?  Who has the most resources?  How much patience and forgiveness is enough? 

Domestic violence is seen as a no no ... how much anger between adult spousal relationships is acceptable? Kids are allowed to treat parents often in quite abusive ways ... its almost become a new norm, its no longer the children that are to be seen and not heard. 15-25 years old kids can do a lot of damage. Eg with Australians and Americans I kept getting that is it normal for teenagers and toddlers to be badly behaved, but somehow Indians do it differently. 

I havent a clue what is normal, but saw 3 families on the train today who had great interactions and disciplining tactics. It was good to just watch ... nicely .. not stare too intrusively .. one mum made a few friendly comments. I noticed one older sister about 6 care for a brother about 4 and reign in another toddler around a pram. It was the same sibling arrangement we had at the time I was abandoned. Gives me something to observe and contemplate the huge sense of responsilibity that i was never acknowledged for from my mother or released from.  My bloody driven almost messianic sense of trying to care for others ... when things were really in my power...

[Jo]

I would love to conduct a Carer's Workshop at SANE one day if possible. I have been facilitating these workshops for Australian Carers for the past fifteen years all over the country, including remote rural areas.

[NikNik]

Hi @Jo

How would one go about finding out about those support groups that are run through Australian Carers. Is it on their website?

Nik

[Jo]

Hi Nik, I don't do the workshops through the carers' website. I just get approached by people such as Bendigo Mental Health and other places like that. It's very random. But maybe the carers' website would have info re other people taking workshops. I don't know. Be worth a look.