Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hello everyone

I am seeking advice from members and @Former-Member s about how to deal with emotional abuse/blackmail so as to not let it trigger grief and a possible relapse for me. 

As many on this forum know I have been to hell and back with the distress of our daughter's issues, coldness at most times, violent outbursts, disrespect, poor lifestyle choices and mental health issues for at least 5 years now. She herself was a train wreck early this year and for awhile abused drugs as a way of coping or avoiding her pain. We have done our upmost to support her lovingly through it all without fail and have endured much also. We have a,ways been there for her. Although her mannerisms towards us had improved, as did her violent angry outbursts, she largely still exhibits indifference towards us and disrespects us by trashing the house.

Not long ago she announced she was moving out and she asked if we would visit to which we responded "ofcourse we will and will always be there for you". So all seemed amicable. The last two days her mood changed dramatically. She abused me because I could not drive her to work becaus of illness and when we don't give into her demands, unreasonable demands that once again she is inflicting on us.  My daughter knows what buttons to push to hurt me. She is now saying "I don't want anything to do with you so don't visit me when I move". She knows the psychological pain this inflicts as I have lost children in the past. She knows the grief I bear and how I can crumble.

My urgent question is "how do I protect myself from this emotional abuse". Presently I feel very depressed about this and worrying I will relapse as I have done in the past for the same reasons. So tired of these threats. How does a mother break a bond and not feel threatened about losing another child whom treats them such?". How do I protect my mental health here as I am in this too deep emotionally to see clearly?". How do I stop this cycle of emotional abuse effecting me in such an adverse way? I want a life back and to simply live, help others and let live - can't endure more grief, this threatens to stop any meaningful life I have in it's tracks.

I am so tired of being treated this way and the continual hurt that is also effecting me physically. I am tired of the fear it incites in me as I know the pain/grief I would have to endure having been down that road before. Not sure if I can keep going through this. Any advice is appreciated.

[utopia]

@Former-Member. I'm sorry your daughter is still trying to manipulate you. That must be so very painful and distressing to go thru.
It's hard for a person on the inside - but you have to try to not 'hear' her words. Try not to let them penitrate your heart. Easier said than done.
But it is her just lashing out. She uses words to cut people. That's the only way she knows how to hurt you. By trying not to react to her words - you take that power away from her.
When she is rational - she wants you around. When angry or fearful - she lashes out. Try and ignore her lashes.
She will move out in 2 days & I bet within a fortnight she will be begging you to visit her - if not sooner.
She is off the drugs and doing better. But she still has a long way to go, to heal her wounds and not lash out.

[Former-Member]

Thank you dear @utopia for your wise words and support. Yes she is lashing out. And I will try and do what you advise and not react, as that is true about taking away her power over me and to hurt deeply.

She is now moving out in two weeks, so I hope to connect in a more positive way with her by then without giving into her manipulation. She does have a way to go. I hope she can move in a more positive direction for her own happiness and that I play a small role in that. And I hope now to be able to fully heal and move forward also.

Thank you my friend, it has helped xxx

[utopia]

@Former-Member. I'm glad it has helped. You deserve a peaceful calm life. You and your hubby and your daughter as well. It will happen. Just give it time

[Former-Member]

❤️😘💜🌹xxxx thank you @utopia