Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

[Shaz51]

Hello @soul, @Faith-and-Hope, @Dichotomy, @Anony18, @Determined

we worked all this morning mowing lawns , as the last few day have been 37 degrees , very hot and still - they thought we were in for another cyclone , a bit cooler today

Got a big headache this afternoon , still getting over the bladder infection

[Dichotomy]

@soul  I'll have a look at it.  I approached it from a different place but I think one of my first big steps forward came when I read things just like the effect that book had on you.  It's a kind of validation isn't it?  Where it just feels like..  "I KNEW I wasn't imagining it". 

For me once I started reading things that was as if the author actually knew him, I was like...  "ok this is NOT coincidence, this is not my imagination, this IS real" . Then I could begin to accept all the horrible for what it was, for what I had suspected it was.

Which ok.. in words looks easy, but that was FAR from easy because what it was, was all just so horrible. Most of it I didn't even want it to be what it was.  Which, I think, is the whole reason I hadn't trusted myself in the first place.  Is that rambling to you or does it make any sense.  Do you know what I mean?

Anyhow I'll go and source that book, see if it is on kindle.  I just want to see if what resonates with you, resonates with me or at least see differences.

Thank you for letting me know of the book.  I will let you know if I can source it, and then if it resonates with me if you like?

TAFNAT

[soul]

@Dichotomy - I can post the link here for a free download if you want. I found it quite easily so hope that's okay.

[Dichotomy]

@soul  yes that would be lovely.  Thank you. 🙂   I found one but it's very hard to read and I think incomplete...   maybe yours is better.

[soul]

@Dichotomy - what you say makes perfect sense. I think I am having my lightbulb moment. The author makes very sensible suggestions. One of the things that really made me sit up and listen was how she said the victim can't make or help an abuser change. I was so used to solving everyone's problems; always helping out, putting friends and family in front of me.

He is the only one who can change his need for power and entitled attitude. This is hard to do as it really has served him well for so long. 

She also was realistic. Part of me really loves my ex. She suggests to try to keep them out of your head as much as possible. Allocate a small portion of the day thinking about them but most of it should be spent on your own mental health. 

[soul]

@Dichotomy

Here's the link:-

http://unityandstruggle.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

You can read it straight from there or send it to iBooks if you have an iPad and read it that way. 

[Dichotomy]

@soul 

"He is the only one who can change his need for power and entitled attitude. This is hard to do as it really has served him well for so long. "

I could not agree more. This is exactly what I have come to understand of my situation.  I think I mentioned something along these lines to you already, if you remember.  It's really difficult to accept though.  I've always been a problem solver, and I suspect by what you say, you have too. 

Accepting this new reality so to speak,  as a problem we just could never have solved, is not an easy one.

[Dichotomy]

Thank you @soul  I shall download it now.  🙂

[Dichotomy]

@soul  @Shaz51  @Anony18 @Determined  @Smc @Faith-and-Hope

      While I am reading this book dear soul has pointed out,  I think we all need a hot chocky and some macaroons or errr   macarons... how about it?

     

[Shaz51]

Ohhh yum @Dichotomy

 yes please