Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope )

[JustMe48]

My biggest thing was to move to Australia from the UK. I had to remove myself completely and put separation between myself and my mother, and that was 10,000 miles worth! If I had stayed with her, I am almost certain that I would have taken the same path with regards my own mental health. The way she was had a negative impact on who I was and it also began to manifest in me as time moved on.

BUT, when I was there in the UK with her, I used to have to try and detach myself from the drama, which was hard in itself when someone needs you that much. I'd have days where I could say "No, not today" and for a few days I would completely turn my back on it and life plodded along, but then she would be there, needing me and I'd be hit head on with several days worth of "Oh woe is me".

She completely exhausted me and being that she didn't want to listen to anything remotely helpful, just sit there and relay over and over how life was so cruel to her, wow, I used to feel like I had a bomb inside of me, about to go off. It was like a constant chest burn that built up and up and that pressure just wanted to burst free.

I resented her, she frustrated me and it left me feeling hopeless and like I was failing her in some way. My family didn't want to listen, instead thinking it was me that was perhaps seeing it all wrong, the "If we ignore it, it will go away".

My coping mechanisms, for years, were just trying to block out the negative and try and be happy in my life and when there was contact, just tell myself "It helps her, I'm doing a good thing". It somehow made me feel better initially, BUT alas, the only real coping mechanism in the end was to run for the hills and I did (so to speak).

It sounds harsh, but I decided the family that had lived in denial all these years could now take it on and see it for what it was. All I was doing was masking the issue from them, being her confidant, "her rock" as she used to say, and them living happy, clappy lives on the outside of it, and all the while my mental health declined.

It's ironic now, as she is institutionalised and pending a section order following assessment, so now the family see and all that thinking it was me, well, the reality is now vastly different. So, my coping mechanism was to pass it on ... selfish perhaps, but I am proud that I now have fought all my demons, my mental health is in check and I'm loving the fresh start I gave myself.

[cherryblossom8]

Hi @Shaz51 ,

thank you for the picture. That explains a lot 😆. 

I’m doing similar things to what @tyme  does:

Tai Chi

TM (transcendental meditation)

Cooking and listening to music at the same time

Walking my dog first thing in the morning 

Catching up with friends 

Doing stuff with my grownup kids

I want to explore and do more arty stuff and also go back to dancing, these are the 2 hobbies I’ve neglected.

Tai chi has been amazing at calming me down, I highly recommend it 😁.

[tyme]

Thanks for the Tai Chi suggestion! I guess it makes you slow down and get grounded @cherryblossom8 . I tend to do everything quick quick quick because I'm on time constraints.

I'm mindful I need to start slowing down though.

[cherryblossom8]

Try it, @tyme . It might surprise you. I just used videos from YouTube with a super cheerful Vietnamese master. He got me hooked now 😆!

[Shaz51]

Hello @Krishna , @JustMe48 , @tyme , @cherryblossom8 , @Blackbird11 , how are you all going today soo far 

soo very hot up here today 

I watered the gardens nice and early this morning , took 45 minutes to give them all a drink 

did the dishes , the washing , now nothing 

Hello @Mother1 , @Synthman , @dug , @Carla13 , @Mart1 , @Rocky23 , @DeeKay , @PizzaMondo 

@RiverSeal , wondering how your holiday is going and how your parents are after the cyclone 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Shaz51, my holiday is going ok thanks, but I am coming back earlier than planned. The cyclone didn't have much impact, but the rain and floods did afterwards. We were ok at my parent's place as it's a tall apartment building and no garden to tend to. My sister was delayed returning home though due to the airport closure, but she still got to where she needed to be on time. Thanks for asking ❤️ 

How was your Christmas?

RiverSeal

[Blackbird11]

Hello @Shaz51 

I'm grounding after a challenging shift this morning.  Hope are doing ok?

[Shaz51]

ohh that`s good @RiverSeal 

yes we had 850mm of rain in one 24 hours  but we are all good 

christmas was quieter this year because of rain, cyclone and flooding 

S3 and family were driving up but had car trouble so they did not make it here 

here for you @Blackbird11 , sorry you had a tough morning 

[Krishna]

Hi @Shaz51   Same here darling one. Hot hot hot. Watered, washing, hosed the dust off the car and now sitting quietly inside. A productive morning and a non productive arvo although I do want to make some potato salad…….eventually lol xxx 🙏❤️

[Shaz51]

I think we have both done well this morning @Krishna xx

Need the afternoon off relaxing 🥰