Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

[CARING4CARERS]

@MIFSAsupport What would you say to one of your carers at work that is getting way too involved in wanting to prevent failure or bad decision making on their loved ones part? In a way that would allow them to let go a bit but feel okay

[MIFSAsupport]

@CARING4CARERS I have seen carers get stuck in their caring role, the role become defining for them.  Therefore they dont look out of their caring role for other inspiration or connection, consequently their own mental health suffers.  There is an alarming stat that 70.6% of carers (in australia) become unwell relating to their caring role.

Getting back to your question, is the person you mentioned providing a healthy environment for their loved ones recovery.

[CherryBomb]

That's wonderful information @MIFSAsupport - thank you 

One question that I often encounter when speaking with carers is how do you know what a good boundary is. You kinda of touched on this in your last post. 

With the example of your loved one coming home drunk - I understand the values that underpin this, but can we disect this example a bit more to talk about 'what' boundary setting might look like in this example? 

[Shaz51]

Hello @MIFSAsupport, sometimes my hubby will feel ok and he starts to do things around the house or wants to fix things , I let him go ahead knowing that he will be down after to say that something is broken or he has had to go to the shops to buy a replacement , and i reply it is ok , so he doesn`t go into anxiety and won`t do anything

[CARING4CARERS]

@MIFSAsupport the carer no longer lives with their loved one, which is a huge step in the direction of boundaries and protecting energy. But still very involved in decision especially informed decision making. This can be a positive but also exhausting for the carer when trying to prevent issues from happening 

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@MIFSAsupport wrote:

@CARING4CARERS I have seen carers get stuck in their caring role, the role become defining for them.  Therefore they dont look out of their caring role for other inspiration or connection, consequently their own mental health suffers.  There is an alarming stat that 70.6% of carers (in australia) become unwell relating to their caring role.

Getting back to your question, is the person you mentioned providing a healthy environment for their loved ones recovery.

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[Shaz51]

Hello @MIFSAsupport, @CherryBomb

I have seen carers get stuck in their caring role, the role become defining for them.  Therefore they dont look out of their caring role for other inspiration or connection, consequently their own mental health suffers.  There is an alarming stat that 70.6% of carers (in australia) become unwell relating to their caring role.-- this is soo easy to do and i think i am going down that pathway but with pysical problems

[CARING4CARERS]

@MIFSAsupport this is really thought provoking. Thank you

CAn we go through an example of a boundaries plan and how to tackle the initial conversation with loved ones about attempting this? 

[CARING4CARERS]

@Shaz51 Thanks for sharing this. So often emotional stresses manifest in a physical symptom/issue 

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@Shaz51 wrote:

Hello @MIFSAsupport, @CherryBomb

I have seen carers get stuck in their caring role, the role become defining for them.  Therefore they dont look out of their caring role for other inspiration or connection, consequently their own mental health suffers.  There is an alarming stat that 70.6% of carers (in australia) become unwell relating to their caring role.-- this is soo easy to do and i think i am going down that pathway but with pysical problems

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[MIFSAsupport]

@CherryBomb A carer was supporting her daughter who lived with a comorbidity and was spending all her money on drugs, not paying board etc,  The carer was very despressed and decided this had to stop as her life had become unworkable.  She set a boundary for her daughter.  The carer told her daughter that she could only live at her home if she stopped using drugs.  Her daughter replied that she didn't think she could this.  The carer asked her daughter leave. The daughter "slept rough" for a week and then came home to her mother's place and asked if she could live there and agree to get help for her addition. They arrange for her to go into rehab. This was a turning point in her recovery.

[MIFSAsupport]

@Shaz51 it sounds like you are doing a great job.  remember to look after yourself.