Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

[Holly]

Thanks @Former-Member. I will try that. I even spoke to this doctor about my mum and he was in complete denial himself that my mum was unwell. My mum's regular GP however is the doctor that encouraged us to call the local Mental Health Services, but she now refuses to see him as she believes he "brainwashed" me into calling for help.

[Rosie4]

Hi @olly53

It sounds like you are doing really wonderfully actually with your grandson. Maybe what he needs most is to know you are there (even in the background) and approachable for him and his needs too. Information is always great, and you seem really onto the importance of his needs as well as your daughter's needs. I really wanted to encourage you with this.

[Sledge]

Sounds like my girl. She was diagnosed with BPD at 21 last year after having a breakdown that put her into hospital. This episode followed a string of similar hysterical breakdowns, followed by remorse and calm for a few months, until the next episode. She is certainly aware of her diagnosis, and tell me she has started attending therapy sessions, but I have no idea if she is telling the truth. She does not live at home and, like you, I still get the phone calls where she is in tears or enraged. No help, sorry, but I hear you. I am in the process of learning how to respond appropriately in a way that doesn't inflame her rage but so that she doesn't feel I'm patronising her either.

[Waterlily]

Rockpool and Rosie .... it gets to a point where the texts can start me feeling anxious!! What drama will the next one bring?? I have had some real doozies over the years and you don't have a chance to anticipate bad news is coming as you would face to face. It's a thunderbolt from the blue "my power has been cut off " or "I am at the hospital' etc

[olly53]

Thanks Natty967 I had a look at the pamphlet and will print it out for my grandson to read. It is nice and simple and informative too. I walk a tight rope trying to support both of them especially now that my daughter is in denial.

[Waterlily]

Hi Sledge, can you talk to her on Skype or FaceTime? I always find it easier to "read" my daughter if I can see her in particular regarding whether she is lying...

[LAmour]

I think that one of the hardest things for us has been knowing where to start with seeking help. In my experience, there are nowhere near enough resources/services and there is quite a bit of stigma associated with the diagnosis of BPD. I have been told through my GP that one sought-after psychiatrist told her there is no way he would take us on because of the BPD.

Navigating the system is a nghtmare and we have no residential treatment in my city for people under 18

[Former-Member]

Thanks for sharing that @Natty967, its always good to have as much information up your sleeve as possible!

It sounds as though @misunderstood and @olly53 are in similar situations where communication with your daughters are limited. @olly53 it can be so hard to set a boundary like you have but it is good that you were able to recognise that you dont deserve to be put down or abused. It sounds as though she was working well for a while to address her illness, but has now stopped receiving support. It can be hard to know how to work with her illness, however setting a boundary around abuse is an important thing. How do you cope with having limited contact with your daughter? This is a tough thing for anyone to go through!

@misunderstood your situation is also a difficult one and it is hard not to know how your daughter is truely going from her. Feeling left in the dark is difficult and I am glad to hear that you have your faith to guide you, having that hope is important for your wellbeing. Hopefully some progress for her is not far off.

[Sledge]

Dear Misunderstood, like you, my daughter and I have been through years of screaming and rage and tears. Really destructive stuff. What is interesting is that she has a powerful work ethic, she is goal-oriented and has the potential to really make something of herself, she is valued by her colleagues. At 21 she has taken herself off overseas a couple of times, is keen to learn, and I have no doubt of her future potential EXCEPT when it comes to relationships. I fear she will struggle to find happiness in a relationship because of her inability or unwillingness to recognise when its time to put the brakes on and take herself out of the picture. I am gradually beginning to accept at the deepest level that she is on her own journey and that some of the challenging qualities that she exhibits are the dark side of what also make her a creative and valued colleague with a terrific sense of adventure. For me, the journey is about learning to let go of my desire for her to behave more appropriately.

[olly53]

I have an overwhelming guilt about deserting her but she has given me no choice. I am talking to my grandson on facebook daily and he will tell me if things get out of hand so to speak. Strangely I felt relief when I went no contact as the relationship has deteriated over a period of time. My sister died unexpectedly 2 years ago and I have struggled ever since to be there for her as I was previously.