Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

[NikNik]

Having a loved one with BPD

During this Topic Tuesday we look at BPD and share information, experiences and tips on the illness and how you and your loved one (i.e.: partner, parent, child, other family member or friend) can create and maintain a healthy relationship.

Things you can do now:

1) Hit the 'Like' button below to receive an email reminder on the night

2) Read our Q&A with Ace, a husband whose wife has BPD

3) Can't make the session? Leave your question below to be answered during the session

[neabpdaust]

Hi Nikki,

Good luck for tonight's session on caring for a loved one with BPD. Please let your carers know about the support and skills that are available in the free, evidence based Family Connections programme that is now available nationally. Registration for Family Connections can be completed online at www.bpdaustralia.com and click on the Family Connections tab.

Kind regards
Anne Reeve

[NikNik]

Thanks @neabpdaust
We are lucky to have BPD Australia as one of the Forum partners.
For those who haven't checked BPD Australia out before - we strongly recommend you do!

[roses1]

Hi, I haven't used this forum before so hope this is right.  I think my son has BPD and will not get help.  He was diagnosed about 10 years ago with BPD traits after a stint in a psychiatric hospital.  He was advised to get long term psychological counselling but will not stick with it.  I know attitudes towards BPD have changed (at the time it was horrendous trying to get him help), but is it common for sufferers to refuse help? How important is it to get a definitive diagnosis?  He is now married and living interstate but every few weeks will ring in tears or very angry saying it is all over and he doesn't know what to do.  Then everything calms down til the next time. Is this how the condition usually manifests?  I am not sure if I will be available tonight so am posting this now and will check in as soon as I can.  Thanking you in advance for any advice.

[Waterlily]

I have a 25 year old daughter with diagnosed BPD and BiPolar2....she attends therapy fortnightly and takes her medication. However, I realise I need to step back as she relies on me for a lot including cheering her up when she is down. This may mean phone calls or texts when I am at work etc. I am always worried if I don't help her out she will have a crisis or worse... how do I get her to be more self-reliant? She is single and has mainly male friends

[NikNik]

Hi @roses1 I thought I would quickly post a link to you, which yourself and other forum memebrs might find helpful.

On SANE Australia's website there is a guide about BPD, which you can find here. I'm sure there will be a lot of information shared tonight too.

Kind Regards,

Nik

[Former-Member]

Hi everyone and welcome to tonight Topic Tuesday on "Having a loved one with BPD".

Tonight I will try to answer as many questions as I can but I am also interested in getting everyone's experiences with how they support their loved one with BPD and how this impacts on your relationship with them and your wellbeing in general. Please feel welcome to jump in at any time with questions, comments from your experience or to offer some suggestions of strategies that have worked for you.

I am looking forward to spending the next few hours with you all and discussing having a loved one with BPD.

@Waterlily, @roses1, @Witsend, @leitor, @Determined, @chivdan, @misunderstood, @MBK, @purplefeather, @Holly, @KAT3, @SamWho, @SadMum, @LosingMySanity, @David5, @Shane, @Mspotatohead, @Mel7, @Jessy, @Joana, @suzieb8, @BlueBay, @SusanaBA, @Meg47, @olly53, @mrkotter, @OhanaSystem, @Rosie4, @Sane74, @Joan1, @BH1, @clk

[Former-Member]

To start things off I am going to answer some questions posed by @roses1 which I hear frequently, so hopefully it will be helpful to others as well.

One is "is it common for sufferers to refuse help". The short answer to this is yes. It is common for BPD and other mental illnesses for people with symptoms to refuse help or to even deny that they are experiencing symptoms at all. This can be for a variety of reasons, such as stigma from other and what the possibility of having a mental illness means to them and it is also common for people to place the blame on others at times. A phrase I hear often is "I dont have a problem, you have a problem". I have spoken to many people at the help centre that have experienced this. This response is often a defense mechanism of the individual who may not be ready just yet to accept that they are experiencing symptoms of an illness and receive the recommended treatment.

Has anyone experienced this with their loved one? If so and your loved one is now accepting of their diagnosis and receiving treatment, what advice would you give to those who are going through this currently?

[Holly]

Hi, my family and I have experienced this with my mother.  She was admitted to hospital last year under the Mental Health Act and still thinks she doesn't have BPD.  She says she has anxiety and experienced just a episode of mania.  She is still receiving treatment due to the Mental Health Act but has said another doctor she is seeing (and giving her other medication) thinks that it isn't worth the paper it is written on and should be torn up.  Unfortunately this other doctor tells her what she wants to hear.  Am I allowed to report this other to a medical association?  He is giving her Stilnox and her psychiatrist that looks after her under the Mental Health Act took her off it.

[Waterlily]

Unfortunately I believe this is one of the main issues with a diagnosis of BPD in particular. There has been a lot of bad press, movies etc where this illness is badly represented. Although my daughter has had a diagnosis of BPD she likes to refer to it as a form of PTSD or trauma related illness as she believes these are more acceptable in the community