Carers Week Live Chat // What do you wish you knew when you were a new 'carer' // LIVE NOW!

[Kisia]

Yes @NikNik having difficult conversations is a massive part of being a carer, much like being a parent involves tantrums when setting boundaries. For me difficult conversations happen when I challange my mum to care for herslef more, and if I notice she is unwell and she is too unwell to agree with me.

It also happens when I talk with doctors or other mental healths staff sometimes. The main thing before I have these conversations is:

- get information - including knowing what your rights are so you can be confident in what you are saying

- practice the conversation - write down the points or talk with a friend/family member/ psychologist about what you want to say

- be kind to yourself - challange negative thoughts when they arise

- do something good for yourself - I always do something good for myself before and after a difficult conversation, if it happens unexpectedly then I still can do something afterwards.

[Janna]

Do you think that sometimes self-care is not really about what you're doing, but the fact that you are present in that moment to enjoy it?  It's more about being able to switch off from what is going on around you and just being right there with whatevere it is - walking, gardening, exercising, etc.

[Kisia]

@Janna yep I totally agree. Its not what you do but the quality. When you can't really switch off i find completing a task is good as that way your attention is on something else - its not completely resting but at least its a break from your worries. In those times I do active things like:

- gardening (it really is a big winner for me)

- cooking

- a gym class/ martial arts/ learning a dance style - something that takes focus not just repetition

- writing things out - this might be a journal but could be a story, peotry, etc

- art - even if its just a bunch of lines and paint splattered on a piece of paper it helps

[Kisia]

I also very much remember a thing called "sensory modulation" a fance way of saying use your senses to focus you. If you have too much stimulation of one sense, or not enough use the others to bring you abck to a level point. The trick is you MUST focus your attention on the expereince, So get a plan for each sense to help centre yourself:

- Sight - I like the garden, my pets, a candle, or a movie

- smell - coffee, milo, incense or a nice meal

- taste - coffee, milo or a nice meal (I love creamed corns so I sometimes just eat a tin of that!)

- touch - a warm shower, gardening as i can feel the leaves, patting my cat, the sun on my skin

- sound - music, waves at the beach, my cat purring, wind in the trees, 

[Kawasaki]

I totally agree with everyone. We all have our passions and escape routes. The hardest part was looking into myself to find mine but I'm so glad I did. I am still looking for a coffee and cake companion. Is there a way to meet other carers in my area?

[Janna]

Have a question.  Do you think that the individual that has the mental health issue perceives that we don't care enough for them when we engage in self-care and not focus our 100% attention on them?  

[Kisia]

@Kawasaki yep there sure is. Most states have a Carers Australia branch and they often run social coffee groups, also I work at HelpingMinds (formerly Arafmi) and there are Arafmi's in most states too. I also joined this online program called Recovering Our Families its an international program and lets me talk to people (contact us as HelpingMinds WA if you wan info). And the last one I would suggest is actually meetups.com its an open socail website full of groups of people with all sorts of interests. I just found one that suited my interests and was located in my area. That way I was talking with them about other stuff  and my life wasnt all about my caring responsibilities. 

[NikNik]

Great question @Janna

[Kisia]

@Janna That all depends on if they are well or not. If you ask someone who is not well they might say yes, but they also might believe other things that are not true. We need to teach them these things, and to be honest when they are well and recovered they feel SOOOO guilty about the impact it has on us that to stop their guilt its useful to point out the self-care we do. It makes them feel better to know we are looking after ourselves too. 

[BPDawarenesAU]

Hi everyone! Sorry for the late arrival.