@Anastasia 

Spot on question.

I am getting better at asking questions and getting an idea of the background of any worker.  I always give them a go, and forgive one or more mistakes, but learning more and more NOT to take other people's shortcomings personally.  Its their loss, and I do not,  Nobody needs to accept being bullied by people paid by govt to provide support.  

What is helpful ...

Sometimes its about specific practical tasks, sometimes its about what I ask for, sometimes its about them being themselves and noticing what they do and offering it with goodwill and intelligence.   Last session with my spt wkr, he noticed my car tyre was a bit flat and tried to help me with a drilling project.  I had to let the project go as it was a bit experimental trying to drill holes in ceramic to make a large garden pot by repurposing old insides of a slow cooker.  That he is willing to give many things a go is great, it creates a creative and trusting feeling in the relationship.  He says he's got my back and backs it up with little thoughtful acts.