Hi @outlander

I can see you there - and yes - it may be that you get triggers for a long time yet - and so do I - and I have an idea that triggers happen and trying to avoid them is really hard and so I have tried hard to learn that this is life and try to figure my way through the maze of reminders than can turn us topsy-turvey at times

I have had a bunch of them since I had my operation but learning this is my life etc has helped - but this is a life-time of enduring and getting stronger about it

So still I don't know what happened to set you off - I can say that yes - it does matter and yet - this is your life - and no - it's horrible and no - you don't have to like it

For some reason I hve been thinking about my mother now and again after the last few days - she was not a helpful person and so - like - why her? and why now? - trick questions in my foggy brain right now but think on - I need to think on and you need to think on - right

I think that for some reason we have an idea that our mothers will care for us and this does not always happen and this is a grief-situation

As I don't know what your trigger was/is I can only assume that it is something in your past has got uip and bitten you on the backside - and I am sorry about this - and again - it happens and you don't have to like it

Honestly I do believe that trying to avoid triggers makes it harder - and the idea of holding an ice-cube in your hand will give you something else to think about - good idea

I am rattling - I deleted a part of this message and - oh sheesh - one thing I remember from my past is Ernie on Sesame Street singing "Manamana - manamana" and knowing myself I would be pleased to hear someone trying to care rather than the empty air yelling at me

I care heaps and hope you are feeling better today - it will take time and practice to find your feet in the world after a major life-change

Sending hugs and what else I can find here

Dec