@Former-Member I realised I posted a response in the wrong thread - that is where my head is at right now- so apologies if you receive it twice but it is important to me that you do receive it.

@OverTheEdge We have been along this road together now for many months. I hear your despair and your torment and feel it within me also. This road is so tough and it has presented us both along our journey's with pain and hurt that no-one should ever have to witness let alone go through themselves. 

Do I want to keep living this life - NO.

Will I see the sunrise each day and despair that I am still alive - YES. 

Can I see a future where things are any different - NO.

But do I have the support of wonderful people to remind me every day that I AM still here - in whatever capacity that is for me at the moment - and that they are here with me - YES.

As alone and as defeated as I feel right now, the love and support of genuine, true, compassionate people - just like you - keep me from ending all this pain permanently.

You were the one that held me up when I first 'failed' at this - you were the one that gave me the strength to face each day, you were the one that was honest and direct and told me what I needed to hear - and that was that although it seems impossible to see a life without the past dictating my present and my future there is hope. While there is life there is hope @OverTheEdge - and the hope that was provided for me at that time came from YOU.

I understand the feeling of being defeated, of wanting to give in to fighting through each day and of ending the constant pain within - I truly do. But I also know that what you have given me through my 'battles' words cannot fully describe - love, comfort, truth, support, compassion, honesty and hope - all from you, and more often than not at times when I genuinely needed to be held up to keep going. I believe that it takes a very special person to be able to provide all this to others - especially when they are going through their own 'battles' at the same time. You are this person @OverTheEdge - you are special - you mean so much to me because of it - and the world is a better place for you being in it.

Sending you all my love, strength and courage ...always sweetheart...

Zoe