@BossBaby publicing could have been easier. 

Lifeline always say i should speak to a professional when i call them and as I'm in a bad hole at the moment I spoke to suicide call back service for the first time in many years. They directed me to my mental health team. Who directed me to my pbs and carers who said call lifeline. 

And pretty much everyone buys want to send me to ED. 

Ik sick of hospitals and ED. 

I've been trying to rest and recoup but my brain has been making that hard. 

I feel like I'm torn ways....listening, doing the right stuff, doing the strategies. Or just give up and give in. 

I keep getting texts from my Dr to make an appointment but earliest I could get to my GP was Friday. He keeps saying we need to discuss some results. 

I don't think I can get there tbh.