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That's a really awful thought to sit with @BlueBay , I can only imagine how much it's kicking your anxiety into overdrive. When that happens sometimes it seems like nothing will help us to feel calm.
It might be good for you to find some distraction, whether that's something active like colouring in or jumping into a social thread for instance.
If the feelings become too overwhelming then it's always a good idea to reach out to a crisis service. I know you're gonna be okay, even if it doesn't feel like it right now 
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SANE services are not designed for crisis support. If you require immediate support, please contact one of the service providers below.
