@TAB bent coat hangers, I like that.

I love religious judgmental people. My ex housemate and former best friend became holier than thou because she went to church every Sunday and her kids went to a Christian school (because I paid their tuition). I told her that going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. I think that's when I suggested she try scientology. Went down a treat. 

Never good to sugar coat, it only causes cavities. 

My ex was a prison officer for many years, he told me of the tattoos the prisoners had and he said I kid you not, one of them really had "Only god Can Jug Me" across the back of his neck. God lower case was a giggle enough but the jug me part was a cracker. He asked the guy for a photo and he happily obliged. When ex showed me I darn near peed myself from laughter. Ex said the guy was so proud that ex wanted to take a photo to show me which made it all the more funny.