Hi and welcome @Ewok to our caring community; 🖐

From what you've written I can see how much courage it took to post your concerns, so well done! Getting those fears out in the open, not only for us to read, but from your mind onto the page, is mighty; so hopefully together we can make a difference to your life.

Your username; 'Ewok' would suggest a Starwars fan, (I am too) and some activities you've mentioned might tell me you're a young man? I hope I'm correct as identifying members' gender can be a guessing game at times. I'm a mature woman by the way.

I'm sorry you've been through childhood sexual assault. It happened to me too and to many people on this site, so please don't feel alone ok; we understand and completely empathise. It's a difficult situation to overcome, but with the right supports in place, life can improve immensely.

When you were assaulted, your brain took over due to your lack of experience and understanding. It's equipped to deal with situations automatically without your conscious approval or knowledge.

Feeling threatened triggers a normal response called the Fight, Flight or Freeze response. The brain prepares your body to run away, fight, or in severe cases, will shut down emotions to make the situation more tolerable and kind to your young mind.

All animals have this ability, thats why you see prey going limp in the mouth of a predator. (Lion and gazelle for instance) It's called 'dissociation' and is very common in children who go through this type of trauma. In my situation I lost all sense of where I was and 'went away', which made the memory go away too. It came back in my 30's when I was better able to cope with it.

The symptoms you speak of are totally normal ok. Zoning out (dissociating) occurs at times of stress or not being 'present' in your environment; day dreaming for instance or not focusing on what's going on around you. It's a 'habit' formed from times when the trauma's occurred.

It might be a good idea to speak with your GP about this because they can refer you to a psychologist who'll help you learn how to cope and hopefully, get your life back on track. Undoing this habit can be somewhat painful as facing certain aspects of your experiences will need to be explored. It's all worth it though Ewok as improving daily life will affect your future and help you feel more confident.

This has been a long rant too my friend. Hopefully you've gained some insight though about what's happening to you and to know there's light at the end of the tunnel. I look forward to hearing from you...

Kind thoughts;

Hope  👵