Hi everyone,
I'm new to the Forums and you don't know my story, partly because I'm not use to sharing information, I've held back with the mindset that I can figure this out the way I always have... alone! I don't know exactly what it is I'm wanting from this Forum or the people who make this Forum possible. I just know that I need support because I feel like I'm breaking and I can't afford to break because I'm a fulltime carer.
I was born and bred in South Africa. My father was, and still is, an alcoholic and my mother stands behind the bible and religion to gain comfort in this life. My sister and I grew up in a very dysfunctional home where boundaries were crossed from the age of 3 or 4. My twin was diagnosed in 2007 with various illnesses due to incest. I remember her dissociating from the time we were in primary school but in South Africa there was no support for mental illness so it was just another day of survival. I became her mother figure but by the time I reached high school I myself was suffering an eating disorder. I always figured it was a cowards way out: just fade away and dissapear and everything will be okay.
We were always made to believe that we were making things up, that we were watching to many sad movies, we were never allowed to show any emotion in our home. And when my sister was undergoing intense therapy in 2010 I remembered an incident - something I'd blocked out for many years, and it devastated me, but my focus was consumed with the caring role so I just carried on, like anyone would...
In 2015 my cousin was sent to prison for being a peadophile - he said he was groomed by my father!
I guess at the end of the day that is my validation, right? But the cycle doesn't end here....
In 2007 my children and I came to Australia to care for my twin, her husband (they are now divorced) and her 4 children and it's been a tough road. Recently my nephew who is 21 has got into drugs and partying and lying and my niece who is 10 is struggling with anger management to the point that she tries to pull her hair out of her head. She has an appointment with our GPnext Monday for a mental health plan. My nephew however is, as far as I can see, on a road to destruction, I feel like I'm living his mother all over again and it scares me. Has anyone got advise for me please? My fear is that some of the grand children have in the past been around my father. Where does this end?
