What do I say? Bipolar.

[Animallover123]

Hi all. 
Firstly, sorry if I have posted in the wrong place but I am urgently seeking the opinion/advice from people with Bipolar about major depressive disorder. 

My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 at the beginning of the year and he has started mood stabilising medicine [edited by moderator]. 

I noticed about 3 weeks ago that he started becoming ‘moody’ but not an episode however a week ago I came home from work and he was in a highly agitated state. He started getting very angry about needing to do everything around the house and started fixating on everything little thing that was wrong. From here, he then has shut down, either not sleeping or sleeping 20 hours a day, hasn’t left the house or communicate with me or our daughter.  Wants nothing to do with our dogs. He is having a huge amount of problems communicating and he either ignores questions, grunts or snaps at a simple question such as do you want anything for dinner. He has pretty much stopped eating. He might eat one meal a day at the most. 

Im seeking any advice from readers who have BiPolar and suffer from major depressive disorder. What helped? How did you get out of it? I have asked him if I can call his doctor to get some advice and that made him very mad. If I try and talk to him calmly and from a place of love, he either gets mad or leaves. At the moment he is going from the bedroom to his home office but no where else. 

What helped you? Do I call his psychiatrist? What do I say and do?  He has depressive episodes often but not this intense for this long. He is wasting away.

[rav3n]

Hey @Animallover123 welcome!

I've moved your post over to the 'friends, family & carers' forum, hope that's okay with you 😊

Firstly, thank you for sharing your experience. Reaching out and sharing this with us takes a lot of strength and I'm really glad you've been able to open up to us here. I'm so sorry to hear that you've had a lot to deal with, I can imagine how overwhelming it must be to have received the diagnosis recently and find ways to support your husband. I don't have first hand experience with this, however, I'm sure other members who can relate will be able to share their experience with you soon. I can say that having professional support is super important, does your husband has a psychiatrist/psychologist he can talk to? or any other professional support?

While looking after your husband is important to you, it is also important to look after yourself! How's you self-care been? I know it may feel like so much is going on at once, don't forget to take a breath and take this one-manageable step at a time. 

I'll also link some support services you can reach out to for yourself:

• SANE counsellors are available Mon-Fri 10am-8pm 1800 187 263
• Carers Australia

• https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/families-friends-carers#guide

• https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/carer-mental-fatigue-and-burnout

There's also this page that has some self-support options to check out:

• Bipolar disorder help & support - Black Dog Institute | Better Mental Health

[Harmonium]

Hi @Animallover123 

Things that can help include offering salad sandwiches - even if it is pushing it inside the door and leaving the person be. It’s opens a line of connection. It speaks volumes without words but if I had to put words to it…it would be something along the lines of “sure you’re struggling with something I don’t understand but I still care for you and want to help you get through this.”

Go about your life as best you can and support and nurture your children and yourself as much as possible with kindness. 

Start taking daily walks for fresh air and perspective and sent a good example, maybe, hopefully your husband will join you when he is able to emerge from under whatever dark clouds are circling. 

Life goes on. Change is given. If you can make positive changes or adjustments for you and your child you will be in a better headspace to work out the next best thing to do as things evolve. No good comes from you declining as well - so look after yourself and be kind.

Depression can be overwhelming and the medications can blunt and frustrate people too. Maybe he’s frustrated that he can’t function properly and worried about consequences. Maybe he’s obsessing about something. Maybe, maybe…you’ll never know till he opens up and talks with you. 

So just focus on things that underpin routine, daily life and wellness til then and keep a line of communication open via food offerings and try to keep your own happiness up. Hopefully, if he sees you’re okay he won’t feel so bad about his reclusiveness and will feel safe to reemerge and join you living life again soon enough. 

Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say and that’s when random, small acts of kindness speak for you - hopefully he will return this and you can speak without speaking. Any little note that makes the corners of the mouth turn up is a great start. : ) a smiling face on the toot paper for example. Just smiling releases positive endorphins.

Oh and green leafy 🥬 salads and sandwiches go a long way to help. Fresh air, sunlight, B12 vitamins, good sleep and may you all enjoy a brighter day tomorrow.