β21-06-2022 08:57 AM
β21-06-2022 08:57 AM
β21-06-2022 09:14 AM
β21-06-2022 09:14 AM
Hey @Tara22 I can relate to so much of what you have just sharedβ¦. So much. I didnβt mention in my previous post, I was diagnosed with BPD many many years ago, 15 or so yrs ago, although they say I donβt have it anymore and itβs more complex PTSD (they say they are very similarβ¦ at least an old psychiatrist said so.) I recall it being a hard diagnosis to accept, and if your not getting any support around that, then itβs going to be rough. Itβs like dumping a bomb and then running and letting people pick up all the pieces. Google is good for some basic info and there is a good thread on here Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script
But you do have a psychologist appointment next month yeah? It can feel like a long way away, but it will be here before you know it. I will send good wishes that the psychologist is a perfect fit for you, cause it can be hard to find someone that you gel with.
Iβve been where you were recently many a time. Where you felt like your son would be better off without you. Itβs a scary place to be. Intense. Iβm glad your still here and Iβm sure your son is glad your still here. Does your son know anything of what is going on for you? He is 12, so probably picks up on things. I hide a lot of it from my daughter, but itβs hard when police and ambulance turn up at the house. Itβs hard when my daughter sobs as I am taken away. And I noticed changes in her behaviours when and for weeks after Iβm in hospital.
Parenting is hard. Parenting with mental health struggles is even hard and parenting with mh issues and being a single parent is even harder. itβs difficult when we need to put our own health ahead of everything else so that we can ensure we are still around for our kids. I feel really guilty about having to go into hospital, I feel bad about leaving my parenting up to my parents. I miss my daughter terrible and with covid it means no visits. But I have to keep reminding myself that itβs better that I am in hospital AND safe, than my daughter not having a mum. What happened with your son when you were in hospital?
Iβve had a support worker from the way back service. She was lovely. A peer worker. It makes such a huge difference talkin with someone who actually understands.
Glad that you have found the forums.
hope today is ok for you
π
β21-06-2022 10:10 AM
β21-06-2022 10:10 AM
Hi there.
I am looking forward to sharing experience and help.
I have have had short bouts of depression in my 70 yrs but nothing like i have had in the last 2 yrs, i
have not been medicated before but am now which is hard to accept and understand.
It started 2 yrs ago with the breakdown of my sons marriage which was one of the worst kind, a horror story , then a breakdown in my own relationship because my partner has daughters and no grandchildren.
I not sure how much is depression or anxiety also i do worry too much .
I also had to move from an area where i was happy.
Hope to share and help each other.
Love and blessing to all.
β21-06-2022 03:06 PM
β21-06-2022 03:06 PM
Hello everybody
Im new here today and have just come out of an emotional, mental and financially abusive marriage.
I'm a introvert and find it very difficult to reach out or get help.
I had to leave my home and go live with my son and daughter in law with 2 bags of clothes , no identification and little money with no bank account.
I feel stupid and embarrassed to be in this position at my age and don't know what to do next.
My sons have helped me so much with getting some of my identification back and helping me get a bank account but I dont want to feel like a big burden to them.
I have a hard time sleeping and even though im on antidepressants I still feel worthless as a human being.
I really dont know what to do and how to feel better about myself anymore.
β21-06-2022 04:52 PM
β21-06-2022 04:52 PM
Hi LittleEvie.
The way you said your sons provide help and compassion means they love their mum and that you are a good and decent person.
It is only good and decent people that get hurt in this world.
God bless you and your sons.
Keep in touch.
β21-06-2022 04:58 PM
β21-06-2022 04:58 PM
@LittleEvie hey welcome to the forums, I'm Jynx, one of the moderators. Just stopping by to offer a bit of support π
From what I'm reading of your situation, it seems to me you are very brave. But maybe it doesn't feel like it right now. Sounds like you have quite a lot of things you're concerned about, not the least of which is wondering how you are supposed to get to the other side of this and feel more yourself again. I imagine that to be a pretty scary place to be.
These things do take time though, and it's really awesome you have come to try to connect with others and get some support. This is a super caring community and I'm sure you'll find others here who can relate to what you're going through. We're here for you π
β21-06-2022 07:54 PM
β21-06-2022 07:54 PM
Hi @Bow Iβm having a real tough night actually , I had a close friend come stay here and look after my son for the most recent hospital stay, but as I found out tonight , she had gone through my cabinets and thrown all my meds away , which 2 of them I need right now ,as since the miscarriage, Iβve struggled with extremely bad heavy painful periods and mine arrived today and I have no pain meds or anything and I live over half hour from the closest town And hospital . Iβm in so much pain and discomfort tonight and then the tears started And the uncontrollable feelings of hopelessness arrived , Iβve come on here to distract myself from my own thoughts , pretty sad huh!? I really want to stay for my boy , but Iβm so scared when I get like this it feels so uncontrollable . I tried to listen to a meditation but was so distressed I just threw my phone across the room. Iβve never been an angry person but all of a sudden these urges come and I start throwing stuff out of anger and frustration .
I hate it . I hate myself . How do you get through these horrible dark moments ? Iβm struggling to even fight anymore .
β21-06-2022 08:12 PM
β21-06-2022 08:12 PM
Oh that sucks @Tara22 nice of your friend to think of you like that and be concerned for you safety, but yeah terrible timing.
coming on here and having a vent helps. Knowing that Iβm not alone amongst some lovely friends. Jumping on a helpline. Giving my daughter some extra hugs, sometimes I let her sleep in my bed, helps keep me safe.
β21-06-2022 08:18 PM
β21-06-2022 08:18 PM
I turned to my son tonight for comfort and all I was met with was a disgruntled look on his face and a grunt as he was playing a game and I was obviously interrupting ... heβs a pre teen and I expect nothing more but when I feel like this I feel like I just need a hug and someone to say itβs going to be ok . Neither I will get willingly from my boy unfortunately . I know he loves me but Im
feeling very unloved and alone right now .
enjoy those cuddles from your little one... as they donβt last forever π I miss that age terribly .
take care and thanks for listening to me x
β21-06-2022 09:03 PM - edited β21-06-2022 09:58 PM
β21-06-2022 09:03 PM - edited β21-06-2022 09:58 PM
Hi @Tara22
Welcome to the forums! My name is Sirius, one of the SANE peer support workers, it's nice to e-meet you. π
I can hear that youβre having a tough night tonight β coming home from the hospital to discover your medication had been thrown away must have felt just plain awful, leaving you feeling quite distressed given how much pain you're in.
I firstly want to acknowledge that I'm very sorry for your loss and I admire the strength it takes to reach out for support here in the forums - I can also see that @Bow has shared some pearls of wisdom with you too. π Additionally, I would also like to gently check in and advise that if your pain reaches a level that becomes too uncomfortable to bear to please call the emergency services number: 000 for immediate medical assistance.
There's nothing sad about keeping yourself distracted here on the forums. There's a wealth of information and infinite support right here for you. If you're open to the suggestion (and can manage the level of pain you're in right now), our SANE counsellors are available for a 1-on-1 chat. The SANE Help Centre is open from 10am - 10pm, Monday to Friday, their number is 1800 187 263. Please know all of the SANE counsellors are training to provide a non-judgemental and confidential session with the opportunity to explore your challenges and provide strategies for longer term help.
Please go gently with yourself @Tara22 . We are all here to support you.
Take care π
Sirius β¨
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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