Trying makes it worse

[tonys]

OH yes..!..   Who painted the flowers.   There so beautiful  @Appleblossom . Hope you had a productive and happy day mate.

Ok ,  well I watched the second vid last night. She knows how to hold the students attention.  What a spectacular teacher.  I also like how  Dr Corban leans forward when he wants to really emphasise something.  I have got a very poor attention span, but these folks know how to grab you and keep you. Only wish I met them a long time ago.    I watched the next one after that lady.  It just came on.  Was about words and emotions.  Bet you already saw it.   I will watch your new one tomorrow.  They are letting my

bookkeeper friend stay the night. Tween you and me, I think they're glad of the help.

I do have some questions to ask you about these videos, but not tonight.  They are a bit in depth. 

Think you may have the knowledge to shed some light.

So ,   you said that you subscribed to  Dr  Corbans Channel.  Does that mean that you get more videos and content.  I a bit green Re internet.

Yes the Rns have lines that command respect, and I'm afraid Ive managed to get some chalk on my balls. . .  Opps ,   tennis balls I mean.  But get this.  Mother hen Rn got my Harmonica fixed and my name engraved on it.  She said Mr minut did it. Isn't that so nice.

Well better go and see I haven't missed any letters before Mother Rn comes back to check If Ive laid any eggs.           Thats it...!      they remind me of my chooks back  home. 

OK  sweet dreams    @Appleblossom 

@EternalFlower   I'm going to look in the book shop window for your journal one day.  You are living a journey that those who follow will learn from.  What may seem mundane to you, is something that others and that child you, ARE,  going to have one day will want  so they can,  live,   in your words.

Think I said to you,  and maybe appleblossom.  Lett your blood on those pages.  There is a type of healing in it too.                  Take care friends.

Gnite and best to you too   @Shaz51   @tyme   n   @Oaktree                                          Tonys  mb 1

[tonys]

10 broken TVs  and nothing aesthetic.   Not a cushion nor picture...   Its  beautiful

See That right there is the start of a book @EternalFlower .   You think old tonys is blowing smoke,

but he aint.  I think you need to go  way   way   back to the child's eyes,  wonder through those rooms,

and Piece by piece,  paint the pages.

Well..      for me,     just think about it mate.             take care  @EternalFlower                     t   mb  1

[EternalFlower]

Thanks @tonys for creating the first page of my book...and they say that is always the hardest.

I hope i can write more and keep remembering and reimagining.

I was wandering how you are in hospital, if you are sleeping ok there?

I havent been too well. I think i am a bit unwell with ptsd. I am having extreme flashbacks.

I have been taking things slow which has been helping. My gp is going on leave and he called me tonight to check in, which i missed, but he leaves very lovely messages. So that was nice. It is nice to have a kind doctor who cares.

I have a new dr temporarily replacing my psychiatrist.

He is a bit older and rather intimidating! I am not sure if i like him yet. He isnt too bad, just different. 

They have got blood tests and my vitamin d and b12 are very low. They think this is maybe why i dont deel amazing and tonorrow i am going to be prescribed some vitamins. Hope u are warm and cozy

[tonys]

Hello @EternalFlower   Damn,  yes I should have thought to tell you about Vitamins.  Critical they are.

Please try to find a space and setting where you can close your eyes and fall back through the years

to pictures and visions of events that set strange feelings flow through you back then.   They don't have to be in order.  Thats for later.   Then the,  feather fine detail,  let it flow to the page.  One page or three it matters

not.   No,  nothing to do with heeling and all that.   My gut just says there is a story to be told about your family,  the period and you.   Just hope I get to see page 2.     No pressure,  but tonys does like those sort of stories.

Ptsd   ,    flash backs,    Extreme flash backs.  Now @Appleblossom  lives and breath's this stuff and all I do is worry about you.   But I pray that a way forward is found for you,  because I believe in you.

I think you have a purpose.  I think my only role is to hope I live long enough to enjoy the fruits of your purpose . . .   which I will of coarse.  

Well the docs and phycologist's just come n go and you watch the passing of the trains. 

I guess these things just take a hell of a long time and we have to advance and retreat as the battle dictates.  I'm finding  Appleblossom Links are refurbishing my tool-shed.   I have only been to one $700 an hour fellow.  and he summed me up real fast.  But I have to say the links are an armoury of 

weapons you can shop from, when ever you want. 

I'm not sure its about a cure for me.  I kinda like me.    But the understanding,   Well..!

That for anyone is pure gold.. 

Are you in hospital or back home.  Wasnt sure if you took that bed.  

Well big hug @EternalFlower .  Think the nurse might take my computor tomorrow. They reckon I need sleep so better go ..              good night my friend                                              tonys      mb 1

[Appleblossom]

@tonys Hugs Mate

@EternalFlower re writing and journalling ... and exploring the past ...

Narrative Therapy is a homegrown Aussie therapy ... from SA.  Worth looking at ...

https://dulwichcentre.com.au/training-in-narrative-therapy/ 

One day I might do their free course!

Find ways to articulate your truths without being totally swamped by trauma reactions ...

Helps to have anchors in present day ... whether that be mindfulness colouring books ... reading books ... walking ... and noticing the outside world ....

Vit B and B12 ... are basic ... and partly from diet and from sunlight ... though we are more than those links ... that say we can live on sunlight .... Have you seen them?

https://www.gq.com/story/breatharians-the-people-who-think-air-is-food 

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower 

I am not advocating any extreme approaches ... be careful and cultivate your inner wisdom.

[tonys]

Hello @Owlunar .  My last visitor has only just left along with the meds trolly.   I would not feel right giving you my hastily prepared and wrapped gift in your thread were the memory of your child lies,  so hope my little 

"unstructured"  song goes a little way to thanking you for your fine art. Not much in the gift shop here..

Nurse that comes  to my room has slowly been revealing to me the difficulties ending a loveless relationship.  We've all been there.  She had a few tears this arvo.      Well .. thats all the excuse I needed. 

    LEAVING HIM. . .

 She'll dress in grey      then dress in white

      She naked lays        by candle light

He lies in white        then lies in grey

       Seeks truths in lies   told yesterday

With second sight     she'll second guess

       Would strike them dead   should she confess.

Those crimes of hearts tormented passion.

         Enslaved in cage   that she did fashion.

Saddled horse     by open gates

        but still she lies     tween altered states.

Tears n truths  could set them free

          by poisoned chalice  cease  to be .

No scars nor blood upon thy sleave

           those loyal dogs that will not leave.

In seas of pearls they waste away

               dreams and schemes lost in the fray.

And in those dreams their free to go 

            beyond their ice   to streams that flow

and wash away the lies that stain

              Her momentary  fade from pain.

She  wakes to face another day

                       Live one more lie. . .      or run  away..                                          tonys moon base  1

@EternalFlower   Hope your in a patch of sun

@Appleblossom   Bit by bit, you teach me.

@LeChuck    Hope your in a good space mate.

@Oaktree   another pic of your garden please.  Good luck with the tooth n holiday

@TAB    Timing,  you always know when I need a song and your solid mate.

@StuF   are  you back from your walk mate. cool fellow

@Smiling Gecko

@Meowmy .     How is your tooth,   Well just enjoy your holiday too mate.

@Shaz51   Thanks for your unwavering friendship,  even when I'm out of order a bit.

That goes for you too @tyme  and   @TideisTurning .  @amber22 .

Hospital is full on at the moment.  Physio,  visitors n all.  You know the drill. So Going to have a little rest for a few days.

Take care Sane forum folk...    

@tyme  or someone,    I would be really grateful if some one could send this to Smiling Gecko.

Ive spelt it a million ways and her tagg won't come up.   Many thanks                                    tonys

OK well  @Sophia1    Just come back mate,  We don't need words you and me,.   We are all waiting for you my friend..     Just come  back...

@SmilingGecko   Thanks  Apple  you champion . fixed it in an re editt

[Appleblossom]

Hugs @tonys 

Ha ha Smiling gekko ... has the underscore _ I struggled at first ... lol

@SmilingGecko 

like the dash with a shift.

Cheers all

@EternalFlower 

[tonys]

Thanks @Appleblossom   Your good mate. Real  good..  gnite   Apple.                                     T

[Shaz51]

Aww thanks @tonys 😊

Sitting with you my friend