I keep thinking I’m the problem… anyone else?

[LexieJo]

Hi @Samsam98 

I can definitely relate to thinking that I’m the problem.

I didn’t know until I was in my 60s that I was the family scapegoat. I had been suffering family scapegoating abuse all my life. I was born into an alcoholic family.

My mother singled me out from my siblings to carry all the shame and blame of the family.

 I had an extremely complex relationship with her.

Both my parents died when I was quite young.

It turned out that I married a man who was just like my mother.

He observed us for three years before we got married.

He turned out to be a narcissist and used me as his scapegoat.

He blamed me for everything and denied any responsibility for any problems.

This continues to affect me years after I left him.

[Nala2022]

Welcome @Samsam98, and thank you for sharing something so personal. It sounds like you’ve been caught in a really exhausting loop of self-doubt and second-guessing yourself, especially with everything going on in your relationship and in your own head. That “what if I’m the problem?” spiral can feel really heavy and hard to sit with, particularly when anxiety and attachment stuff are already in the mix.

You’re not alone in experiencing those kinds of thoughts, even though they can feel really isolating. Hopefully being here and your upcoming therapy session give you some space to unpack it a bit more gently ⭐

Also, thank you for sharing something so personal and painful @LexieJo 

It sounds like you’ve carried a huge amount of blame and emotional weight for a very long time, starting right from childhood and then again in your marriage. Being singled out like that in a family and made to feel responsible for everything can be deeply damaging, especially when it continues across different relationships.

I’m really sorry you went through all of that, and that it’s still affecting you now. It makes a lot of sense that those experiences would leave lasting impacts, especially around self-doubt and questioning yourself.

I really appreciate you offering your perspective here, and I hope you’re continuing to get support as you work through these experiences 

[tyme]

Hello @Samsam98 @LexieJo @Walkoneggshells @NR ,

I'm thinking of you all and hope you are okay.

I know life can be so hard sometimes. I'm glad we have each other to lean on.

Feel free to tag me into your posts by typing "@" in front of my name so I get a notification of your posts. I'd love to keep in touch to see how things go.

You all deserve to be here. We are grateful for you all.

[LexieJo]

@Nala2022
Thank you