Social anxiety and loneliness

[creative_writer]

@MJG017 ignoring bullying is exhausting.i feel you on hiding emotions, it feels so natural, expressing emotions feels so foreign.

I think the emotional disconnect can have profound impacts on a child. My parents emotionally neglected me, but it was not intentionally. Sometimes family have their own shit to deal with too.

It’s hard not to feel at fault. I don’t really think about the bullying as much, I’m sure it’s there in my mind somewhere. I think about other painful things. It’s been on replay the whole day today, it’s been driving me crazy. I have a lot to figure out, but I am at the stage where I do feel lots of pressure of having life figured out. Just turned 30 last week

[MJG017]

@creative_writer  Ignoring the bullying was definitely exhausting, but damned if I was ever going to give them the satisfaction of getting the slightest reaction out of me.  Maybe in the long run it would have been better to let the frustration out but it felt like the only way to cope with it at the time.

Part of the reading I've done on insecure attachment styles says that often the emotional trauma we get from our parents isnt intentional but down to their own issues when they were children.  In a way it makes me glad I never had kids.  I always wanted them, but maybe I would have passed this onto them so as painful as it is now to have never got the chance, maybe it was for the best.  Which I really dont know if that makes me feel better or worse.

As I said, I'm in my 50s now and Ive only just started to understand some of the "whys", let alone figure anything out!  So from my perspective, I would say you shouldn't feel any pressure to have life figured out, especially at 30!  There's a hell of a lot to figure out, let alone fix!!  I hope your mind gives you a break from the replays tomorrow, sometimes the brain just wont let these things go.  Its the main reason I have earely gad more than 4 hours of combined sleep in a night over tge past year or so.  I just cant stop thinking about things, and its hard to distract myself from them in the dark quiet of night time.

Happy birthday for last week, I hope it was a nice day for you.

[creative_writer]

@MJG017 I think we all need a safe person growing up, it sounds like you didn’t have anyone. It makes no sense to be vulnerable when it’s only going to hurt you. Kids are smart, they adapt. They understand more than adults realise. It took me a while to realise that my mum becoming suicidal at times when heightened was a traumatic experience. I have other shit that I went through. When I reached out to my parents I was shut down. They didn’t want to talk about the taboo. I internalised it, since they didn’t want to talk about it, I felt like I had done something utterly wrong and felt so shameful.

I’ve been in therapy for a while now, it’s not something I want to be in for the rest of my life. Sometimes I do wonder if I didn’t have this much trauma in my life, would I still have bipolar. I certainly wouldn’t have cptsd and tons of social anxiety. I do hope you find therapy helpful in your recovery 💖

My birthday was certainly a better day than today. I had a few good days where I felt normalish, but it didn’t last.

[MJG017]

@creative_writerThanks, I hope some therapy helps.  Better late than never I guess.

I'll keep some finger and toes crossed that you have a few more of those 'normalish' days on the way soon.  Thanks for all the replies, it's been really good to finally chat to someone about this issue, even though it means someone else has gone through it as well, and I would never wish it on anyone else.

[creative_writer]

@MJG017 never too late to work on yourself. Have you started your own therapy recently?

I’m okay, would say depression is on the milder side. Nowhere near as bad as it’s gotten, I’ve been in crisis mode before, I’m lucky I never ended up in a psych ward, though have been in ED and short stay

[MJG017]

@creative_writerI've been seeing a psychologist for about a year.  Although that started mainly because of my cancer diagnosis, but as that's progressed we talk more about the life long mental struggles I started to struggle badly with again.  I'm on my 3rd psychologist now and I've found them all the same... I talk about myself for an houre, they occasionally point out the obvious or just say "that sounds really difficult for you"  It's becoming really frustrating to keep hearing I shouldn't do something I've already admitted that I want to stop but don't know how. i.e., not focusing on the negative, assuming the worst, overthinking etc.  It's my only experience with therapy so i'm not sure if this is what it is supposed to be or I just havent talked to the right person.  The person i'm seeing at the moment, I have two visits left out of my 10 MHCP sessions, ant I doubt I'm going to continue after that.  I think i mentioned before with my last visit where I brought up the attachment styles I had discovered, she confirmed it was a real thing and that it certainly sounds like its the case with me.  That appointment ended with her saying "I hope you can get some help with it."  So I really don't see the point in continuing.  I have found it help just talking to someone about my issues, but I've said most of it by now and I don't have much left to say.  How many times can I repeat that I know what I'm doing isn't helpful, but I don't know how to change it?!

I'm still waiting to hear about some counseling with Relationships Australia SA and the PASS (post adoption support services) so I'm really hoping that will help.  If that doesn't help, I don't know what else to try.  I did have one session with them as it was recommended when I was given my adoption records 2.5 years ago.

I guess it's good news that your depression is only "mild" at the moment, but I'm only assuming it's the same for you in that the really bad days never feel too far away and/or there's not much that can be done to stop them.  I can't imagine how bad it must have been the day you went to the ED!  I wish there was somewhere we could just go for like a mental holiday and leave all the stress, anxiety, and depression behind and live a few days without any of it just for a break.

[creative_writer]

Finding a good fit for a therapist can be hard @MJG017 . It’s not impossible to, but it can take time. When I was looking for my psych I looked for someone who specialised in trauma because that’s what I needed help with. I feel like not all therapists are so trauma informed. Attachment is also a type of trauma. I have other traumas too, but I never really realised I had attachment trauma till seeing my current psych. As I mentioned, my parents were loving so I thought everything was well. Though the appointments aren’t cheap, I guess that’s what you get when looking for psychs who specialise. Gap fees for psych is pretty much the norm now anyways.

I hope Relationships Australia and PASS helps, sometimes we just have to keep trying.

[MJG017]

@creative_writerI think you're right about finding the right therapist.  I will keep 'trauma' in mind if I look for a new one.  I did have a recommendation for a local one today who helped her husband with some similar issues.  This psychologist is around my age so there maybe a bit more 'compatibility' there.  My current psych just almost doubled their gap fee which sucks so another reason to move.

Thanks for the advice.  I hope the PASS helps as well, and now with this new recommendation, I feel like there's a little hope returning.

[creative_writer]

@MGJO17 it’s also about the timing too, I wouldn’t have been okay with talking about certain traumas at 19-20 because I was going through a lot of traumatic stuff then, and I kind of distanced myself, so it didn’t feel like it was occurring to me.

I know they have free counselling options here too, but I haven’t really had much luck with that service and you really can’t choose therapists, so I stopped. I just see a private psych now, and not often, but it’s okay.

Another thing you can look at is peer support. There is SANE guided service which has peer and counselling sessions, you get to choose which one you want more of, but you will need to check if you’re in an eligible region. There is also https://icla.org.au/efriend/