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So so true @avant-garde that forgiveness is about allowing the hurt to heal. I believe that wholeheartedly. Thank you for sharing.
I hope the next service is okay. I had a big smile on my face when you mentioned the 'happy meal'. Good on you for finding ways to manage. You are so so resilient. I think if other people were in your position, they would've been gone a long time ago. Good on you for sticking to it.
I'm sorry to hear about those boxes being put in the skip when you are made homeless. Just the idea of homelessness is so far from me. I appreciate you sharing your experiences and opening my understanding.
Hahahaha @avant-garde ! You're funny. Good on you. Now, what you do you have with your happy mean? Nuggets? Burger? Wrap?
Now that I think about it, I had someone I really didn't like a church. Every time I saw her, my heart for full of dislike. Now I realise she had a power over me because she would stir up such horrible feelings in me.
Years on, I don't LOVE her, but I don't hate her. I've just moved on. I wonder if this will happen for you too?
It's more than just typical dentist anxiety you know... I used to need anti-anxiety meds just for the dentist.
I was a teenager when my dad changed the toothpaste to one I didn't like and so for 2 years I stopped brushing, he had told me if I didn't like it then don't do it...
Every toothache would coincide with instances of sexual assault from my father [edited by mod] saying it would heal and make it feel better
saying it would heal it and make it feel better.
I'd had a lot of inappropriate things in my mouth and so the dentist is a trigger in itself... it's terrifying for me... it's someone else putting something in my mouth... even swallowing is hard...
Then let's talk about the 2 experiences with an actual dentist...
I had an infected tooth that needed to be removed... This dentist was a nightmare... He gave me one dose of anaesthetic and started trying to pull the tooth... I was waving my hands and he said it didn't hurt and kept going... I screamed and he gave me another dose but after 15 minutes it still wasn't enough... I started screaming but he ignored me and so I started flailing my legs and kicked... the third dose did it...
The other one was when I was in rehab and needed another extraction... She didn't listen to me... needed my mouth wider... and so she put the blocks in to keep my mouth open and ignored the tears on my face...
In both of these my needs were ignored, I didn't matter, I was just a job, being told I was overreacting...
So going to the dentist terrifies me beyond normal dentist anxiety...
Yes that definitely sounds like it goes beyond dentist anxiety and into trauma @avant-garde
I'm so sorry you've had these experiences. Honestly I'm floored at the strength that it must take to go to the dentist now.
We did just need to make a slight edit to your post remove some detail, but please feel free to edit it yourself if you would prefer something different.
