New therapist

[Dimity]

I started EMDR a while back but ran out of time. And I upset the counsellor once by raising current issues and chronic pain. 

I tried to find another therapist who's trauma informed. I found someone local. She's expensive and doesn't process rebates. I've met her once so far. She says she avoids eye contact, doesn't make decisions for people, and when it comes to childhood trauma, she's heard it all before. It feels very off-putting, when I was hoping for help dealing with past and present family dysfunction. I think my upcoming second visit is likely to be my last. I'm disappointed to be wasting precious sessions from my MHCP. I'm socially isolated and finding the experience hurtful. Perhaps I'm just triggered? 

[Eden1919]

@Dimity  i am sorry you are finding the experience of finding a new therapist so difficult it really can be a long and tricky process to find the right one for you. i think you know you best and if it doesnt seem like a good fit on your end then it probably isnt. hopefully you find someone you click with soon who is helpful for you but yes the search is exhausting so do take time for yourself when you need it. 

[Dimity]

Thanks @Eden1919 , I appreciate your response. My impression is that it's not going to work but I'll see if the second session is any better.

I hope you're going OK, I know things have been difficult lately. 

[NatureLover]

@Dimity  This counsellor sounds quite dismissive for someone who's meant to be trauma-informed. Also the avoiding eye contact is a red flag for me. 

But I do think it's good you're giving her a second chance, just in case. I hope that after the second appt you will know clearly what to do. I agree that you don't want to be wasting your MHCP on someone who won't be good for you. 

[MJG017]

@Dimity

I'm still very new to talking to therapists, but if one told me they'd "heard it all before" I'd immediately think 'this person isn't for me'.

She may mean she's heard so much about childhood trauma that she knows she can help you because she's dealt with similar issues many times before, but just phrasing it that way sounds so dismissive and impersonal.

I can definitely identify with feeling that frustration of wasting MHCP visits.  My GP put me on it earlier in the year and I blew through them and have already used the last.  I did have 1 left when I decided this person wasn't working for me, but I just went back because I didn't want to hurt her feelings I guess.  I know it's silly to think that but I figured what can I do with one visit?  I have had another psychologist recommenced to me, so I'm using some allied health visits for it, but it's costs a lot more than what the MHCP visits would cost.  If I like him, then I can use my 10 visits with him next year.  Even then though, they're not going to last long. 

I think i've found most helpful, in the fact I just get to sit and talk to another person for an hour.  It's like a little holiday from the isolation during the day.  But obviously that not ultimately helpful and paying just to talk to someone seems like a waste of money.  So I don't think you're triggered at all.  You just need to find the right counselor for you.  Someone who will listen, understand, and most importantly, be able to help you.  I'm still looking but it's hard when you only get so few subsidised visits before the costs start to become a major barrier.  I wish you all the best in your own search and healing.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Dimity , @MJG017 , @NatureLover , @Eden1919 

I'm so sorry you have been going through this on your own @Dimity, yet you still take the time to answer so many people's posts and make them feel supported like you did for me as a newbie.  Thank you. 🩵

I've never been to therapy but so many people have shared their unsatisfactory experiences with GPs, psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health wards (not saying they're all bad) but the system is not working. I've just been reading posts about the NDIS and Centrelink and it made me so frustrated. People are unwell and they have to navigate a very complicated system which is not in their favour.

Do you think AI will play a much bigger role in the mental health system in the future?

Hope it was just your therapist having a wobbly day.  Good luck.

Warmest regards 

Unseen🐧

[lighthouse22]

Hello

I am particularly saddened to hear this has happened to you. The very fact that you have sought out help is courageous. In my experience, I have had to wade through a not so great bunch of therapist to find someone who genuinely cares for me. My current EMDR therapist listens to me, validates me, conveys to me that she understands the horrific experiences I have had. She doesn't tell me what to do which was kinda hard at first yet she asks me probing questions. She explains my internal world to me little by little and shows me it is safe to open up in a session. Afterwards, I feel like I have connected with someone who completely "gets me" when the rest of the world DO NOT. I am never dismissed. Usually I journal a lot after the wheels are turning and start to research more about the questions she asks me. Sometimes I just lie in a coma for hours and sleep and eat junk food. I am learning that I am a work in progress. This is not going to be swift. I am in for the long haul. Usually she closes the session by stating how we make a good team. i now use that with my kids. I am being taught how to parent myself in healthy and kind way. My one wish for you is to not settle for anyone other than a compassionate professional who is willing to help you through the dark days. Find someone who holds your heart gently. I am new to this site (today!) and I don't know if I can recommend her. I really would like to. Maybe a moderator could advise if that is appropriate.

I wish you all the best and I sincerely hope you put your deserving self out there 🙂 K 

[tyme]

Hey @lighthouse22 ,

Thank you for sharing. Unfortunately, we can't share therapists here, but I'm so glad you have found someone who cares and validates you. That's so important in a therapeutic relationship.

You've listed some really helpful strategies you turn to such as journalling. What else helps?

[lighthouse22]

Hello!

Thank you for clarifying the limits of sharing 🙂

Hmmm I'm three years into weekly trauma therapy and am only just starting to do these things. I was in a complete storm cyclone so by no means are these things that I just started doing straight after hospitalization. No no, its been a long road...

Heres a few:

Walking outside even if its just for a few moments and trying to focus on something that I like.

Finding a new recipe and then making it. I feel like I have accomplished something.

When things are spiraling, I go to my clothes and just fold and sort, fold and make things tidy. I think this has to do with me feeling in control of just one thing. 

I have notepads everywhere. I write everything down now. It took a really long time to grasp how helpful this is rather than just being trendy and saying oh 'I journal'. I put all the ugly stuff on paper. Its very satisfying. Same goes for just ripping paper instead of being more destructive. I've found its a lot cleaner than tidying up after burning paper 🙂

I have an alarm reminder on my phone to think about the bigger picture. I have a lot of of alarms with quotes and pick me ups to keep me motivated and a little more in the here and now.

Finally I have eased into the fact that I will never get to the finish line of therapy re my mental health. There is no finish line no matter how determined to heal I am. I accept and live with Bi Polar 1, Complex PTSD, Anxiety, Depression. Repeating to myself that it is simply ONE aspect of my life. Just one. And, that I am so so so so many more things than this is shifting the fog.

Thanks for asking! 🙂

[MJG017]

@lighthouse22 

Thanks for sharing your experience with having a really good therapist.  Mine have just been psychologists and I have heard so many stories similar to my own in that on the whole, the experience has veen unhelpful.  So its always encouraging to hear really positive stories to keep me looking for my own good match.  It's just feeling like a waste  of money at this stage.  I do have an appointment with a new one next week so fingers crossed.