Edge of insanity: for real

[tyme]

Sounds so difficult. @Stout . I'm hearing how disappointed you must feel from the lack of support.

What are things that you enjoy or things you are interested in doing? I wonder if this is where we start?

Are there things you feel you are good at i.e. your strengths?

I recognise that sometimes, when things are hard, it's difficult to find our strengths. But honestly, we all have strengths.

[tyme]

Hey @Stout ,

I just read about SANE tidying up.

Do you mean you feel we don't want you here?

Please know that's not what we are saying at all. 

We'd love to ride this wave with you and journey with you. 

[Stout]

Yes Tyme

I find it hard to be sure about my strength, being harsh or something, staying on topic and PC.  I'm never sure of my tone and I thought a hint was asked.

Anyways it is scary, and the days, like for a lot of people, are not easy.

PS, I don't know at all where the journey is heading.

[tyme]

Hey @Stout ,

Absolutely hearing you. It's not easy. I myself was in a really dark space for over 10 years. I sure didn't know what the journey ahead was. And yes, it was hard to see my strengths. 

However, through that time, I knew clearly that what brought satisfaction to be was working with children and helping other people. But working with children was top on the list. 

Can you think of anything at all that might keep you going?

Do you have supports around you? Family, friends, people?

[Stout]

@tyme 

I've always said I had nobody. I think this both repelled and attracted people. I don't ask my SWs for weekend support. So now is a empty space till the same week arrives.

I would love to experience children but as a solitary male I make very sure everyone that I give them the space. That's a horrible mind-space to occupy. Stalkers use crowd dynamics. I've noticed that when I move about with another person, the world is more at ease. Sometimes they mouth it up, but not very often. The long weekends are difficult and Christmas the hardest. Now that I get regular SWs, I have healed, but the fright of it still wells. It's hard being a cornered male.

[Stout]

Because I now isolate so much, have social anxiety and am reticent to link up to the world, I find sometimes I am in feat of people. It's not their fault for the most part, afterall it's a post covid era. Up close and personal. When I feel alone people nearby are somehow a comfort because the hustle and bustle means life. In vehicles. Mother was a squabler so the love wasn't there, but they did they're thing, and mum thought me English well, as did school. Phones.

[Stout]

Directors are a cell. When at school my teachers always referred us to an instruction manual. My SWs are wonderful and love exploring, walking, a meal or coffee, some nurture, trying to find the next thing to do, they are the best. Age and gender no barrier. If I hadn't found them, I probably wouldn't have looked up SANE, and thus never explained the future in the past.

[Stout]

So I'm grateful @tyme for double checking me. Cross that one of my list. I hope that the SWs can find me a home. I don't want to burn out the NDIS on moral support alone. I need help. Stalkers operate in camera. My alter ego says go for it, but the lover boy in me is terrified of come what may..

[Stout]

Good morning people. I embedded a description of stalker methods in the above. It was extremely cruel what VicPol allowed and did to me. It might seem like I am a crook, but nothing could be further from that perception. People in town have been shocked by what happened recently. Some thought I was dead, and were pleased at my emergence. But the ordeal has taken a big toll.

I think (know) the police waited the situation out. They allied with an eviction campaign. Stalkers are a problem only an industrial Psychiatrist can deal with, apparently. VicPol and others don't want these sorts of things known. And either it's just me, or everyone on the mental register, should refer their troubles to a doctor for treatment. This is snare. And in a way a political problem. Not medical.

I have been almost completely ignored by the state. And I am sure I'm not the only one.

It is irrational that everyone on the register has a uniform medical problem, and that any policing issues can and should be skewed in the direction of the Psychiatrists. This is dereliction.

[Stout]

Content/trigger warning

TW: antipsychotic injections


About ten months before the eviction campaign begun, I was routinely injected with anti psychotics by the industrial Psychiatrists.

I plead for mercy, was not in psychosis and could have had a heart seizure. I didn't know it then, but it seems likely that at this time I was in a deiberately medically induced psychosis and distress.

This likely explains how I fell victim to the eviction campaign. The resultant VicPol assault was in part to scare me, teach me who's boss, and cement the campaign. And then I went to skool, where I was further hunted.

So I again hypothesise that I have twice been in deliberate medically induced punishing psychosis.