why can't I cope longer?

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member, STOP APOLOGISING please. You're fine! you dont have to reply every day, to everything. I don't, so I don't expect it. Neither do I even read outside what I'm tagged in mostly... sometimes it's all just too hard... too triggering... so I do apologize for not being here more for you in that regard... I can see it's important to you... it's just what comes with me unfortunately. I don't have much left to give.
Yes, it is very cold here today, especially outside in the wind - slete today Brr ☃️ snow on near by mountain. I do prefer the cold though... to the heat, rugging up and all... but I'll likely move north my kidz. My son is grounded in Brisbane with work this next couple of years, might be the last chance I get to see him more. He'll probably move after that, or before, who knows. No, life's not worth living without my kids, not anymore, not for me... too empty. But I'd never put that on them. Or my friends.
I did remove myself from toxic Sydney famly a year back now, was on the edge of a breakdown with all their rubbish on top of my parents distress... took myself out of the equation there & moved 4hrs away. Its so much better... being in dad's house gave them free entry whenever they wanted, with their invasive attitudes, and abuse... simply not coping with mum and dad's decline... but venting on me and bludging off me... and no thanks... or help... Haters and baters I call them... so disrespectful. Anyway, I've concluded I don't have family and though I thought I moved to Sydney to reunite with them all while helping my parents... i think God wanted me to finally sever those toxic spiritual ties. A Big shift in my psyche... I was so scared of being alone... but better alone than with bleople who MAKE you feel alone 😢
My psych apts are fortnightly atm.
I'd definitely love to come have coffee with you on your deck Sherry. Is there a view? Cyber☕☕ will just have to do for now 😋👍

[Former-Member]

WENT OUT TODAY, set alarm, skipped breakfast re U/s, hot shower & out the door. The cold air and tiny floating ice droplets hit my face, slete I guess ☃️
9am ultrasound (episode region) re tummy pains. Technician spent a lot more time than usual around the liver. Said I didn't have stones so guess something else is going on there. Bit of a worry - especially when she said "we have to keep an eye on you" (what did she mean by that I wonder?) evrn asked "when ya gonna see ya dr next? - gets me worried. Same company as my Qld radiology, so comparisons possible. Hope it's not the dreded Ca :face_with_rolling_eyes: guess I'll find out at next week's at dr apt.




Stopped at coffee shop first time in ages - cuppacino & spinach feta brunch.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Adge I see you there. Are you bit better today? 💙

[Adge]

Hi @Former-Member You can see me, even when I'm hiding (just kidding) - very talented.

I've just been to the Dr to have both ears flushed out & syringed with warm water.

I can finally hear again (that's exciting) - after being deaf in my left ear for over a week, then my right ear (as well).

I got a referral back to see Surgeon for internal stitches - still poking out (for 18 months), from my last surgery.

I do not want to have to follow that up - or have any more surgical procedures.

Oh well, goto do it (I guess).....

How are you?

Adge

[Former-Member]

Hello again @Former-Member ... Its good that you are to have regular fortnightly psych appointments. I hope in time something more substantial develops there, by way of real therapy. But I know it can take time for a trusting professional relationship to develop.

I would be very happy to have you here for a cuppa or a BBQ anytime EOR. I live on 3 acres in a semi rural setting. Lots of trees, birds, animals etc. We have lots of little private nooks around the deck, where lots of trees shrubs etc make it feel like a place you can hide out a bit. Another area where you overlook our fishpond in a sunken garden area. There are also places where we have an outlook of local farmland, and distant mountains. Our deck is on 3 sides of our house and is covered by a bullnosed roof. Did you browse last weeks "wellbeing" thread? I posted some of those pics there.

It sounds cold at your place, with sleet around. Brrrr ... icy. 🧊❄ I'm like you by the sound of it. Its much easier to get warm when its cold, than it is to get cool when its hot.

Gee EOR I really hope your ultrasound results are okay. I can understand your concern while waiting for your GP appointment next week. I hope its early next week, rather than late? Still ... worrying about what may be, isnt going to make things better.

I'm glad you stopped off at a coffee shop for cappacino and spinach feta brunch. Sounds yummy. Isnt it nice that we are finally able to start doing normal things again?

Okay better go get something prepped for dinner. Thinking I might do something with some leftover roast chicken. Perhaps a pasta option.

Catch you again soon.

Sherry 🌺

[Former-Member]

Oh @Adge, is that stitch in your abdomen? I can understand why you wouldn't want to 'go there' with your scars and bad memories. Bit of a PTSD thing maybe... Oh dear. But from my nursing, of the stitch is sticking up and not absorbed, its probably superficial and a minor procedure. My only tummy problems was caesarians but they've healed fine. Hope I don't have liver problems after the sus scan today.
So glad you got your ears back... wonder what causes a sudden buildup of wax like that? You can hear your birds better now. How's the peachface settling in with the others?

[Former-Member]

Wow, @Former-Member - 3 acres in the country... with lots of trees, birds, animals, fishpond, sunken garden... views of local farmland, and distant mountains... OMG😃 do you have any idea how blessed you are? I'll definately look up the wellbeing thread to get some visuals. Sounds like heaven 😀👍
It is cold / icy at my place but I don't mind.
Yes, I'm concerned about scans but not making apt - I prefer to wait & see if she calls me in when she gets results Thursday... that would give me a headsup, and if she doesn't then it's not serious... (I know, i'm weird lol).
It is nice that we can finally have a coffee out now. My fav thing.
Chicken pasta sounds yum. Do you hear that? Someone's at the door... its me coming for tea. 😁
Nice chatting 💐

[Former-Member]

Ha ha ... @Former-Member  ... welcome anytime my friend. 😀💗

[Former-Member]

Couldn't help myself, after Woolies I called into the local TipShop... I'm on a mission for soft coloured glass glasses. Found 4 so far. But, alas, there was more :face_with_rolling_eyes: Stainless Steel electric frypan in hook condition - $10, club steering wheel lock, x3 matching tinted glass canisters with steel screw on lids. And Pyrex dinner plate 😁 My bad? lol

Wow, news just said we've had the best autumn rain in 3 decades. And 3cm snow at Oberon. 

@Appleblossom  are you ok today?

Thinking of you too @F&H

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[Former-Member]

Oh, there you are 😃👍