not coping

[Snowie]

Hi @outlander 

Thanks for letting us know how you are going and what's been happening for you.

I'm sorry things are still really hard and rough for you hon. You don't deserve to go through this, especially when you are alone.

I really hope that your medical treatment helps you. 

Please know that we are here for you. Always by your side 💗💗

[creative_writer]

@outlander thinking of you, sending you lots of healing vibes and love 💖

[outlander]

thank you @Stout @creative_writer @Snowie @Shaz51 @tyme  and everyone also following along. 

unfortunatly my essential medical treatment has been postponed for now with no known date for reschedule. i was sent into a complete and utter meltdown and was sent to the psychiatric ward for a few days so i could regroup. im back out as of yesterday so today is a rest day while i adjust back to life and the unknowns. 

[outlander]

what are you suppose to do when you keep loosing everything? life has changed so much and it doesnt seem to matter how good i try to be it always comes back in my face.
i try and do the right thing for my health too and i still continue to loose out.
im being replaced everywhere i go and the more i try to meet up with people who i was close to or did alot with just reminds me how much ive been replaced.
my joy for everything has gone even the horses.
my psychologist is on holidays at the moment but i dont have many sessions left on th MHCP anyway and then i wont be able to afford it very often.
even during a massive meltdown people around me telling me be rational, 'stop it', stop over reacting or things happen for a reason.

[Ru-bee]

Hi @outlander 

I'm so sorry to hear about your treatment being postponed, I can't imagine how distressing this news has been, particularly with there being no clarity on when it may be scheduled again.

I'm also sorry to hear that others have invalidated your reaction to this by telling you to be rational. That's such an unhelpful thing to say, particularly when your feelings and reaction are both understandable and reasonable given this news.

This is a hard time and it's okay to be angry and upset. I'm really glad that you've been able to use this space to share some of this feeling.

[tyme]

Hey @outlander ,

That sounds so hard. The thought of feeling 'replaced' sounds so painful.

I recognise how much you have reached out to so many people as a way of helping them - only to get this in return.

Please know you are not going through this alone even if it may feel like it sometimes. I want to be there to support you.

[creative_writer]

@outlander sorry to hear it’s been hard. Health system does often fail people but I think you’re irreplaceable , even if you feel replaced in your life, you’re irreplaceable on the forums 💖

[Eve7]

I’m so sorry all of this has been happening to you @outlander  I don’t know what else to say but I really care about you and will never stop being your friend.

💚😊💚

[outlander]

thank you @Eve7 @creative_writer @tyme @Ru-bee @Snowie @Stout 

thank you everyone. it has been really hard. i relied on the treatment to help me get through and to manage but i dont know when itll happen now. hopefully soon. 

i have another procedure coming up in a few weeks though so that will have to take priority for now. 

its hard being replaced everywhere i go. all my friends that i had only speak to me when i need something or even now they dont talk to me at all. i use to help a few people with horse shows as well and i asked if i could go with them and they basically told me they have other people now that go with them but if i wanted to go and watch i could. but i wouldnt really be apart of the group. 

ive decided to take some time off for next week and the support i had arranged to support me through the treatments will stil go ahead but in a mental health status instead. im trying to stay out of hospital for my mental health but due to the severity at this point i may not have a choice. im hoping a few days off in a supported environment externally to a hospital may be enough to help reset my mind and body 

[creative_writer]

@outlander sitting with you 💖🫂