not coping

[tyme]

Hey @outlander , How are you going? I look forward to hearing from you.

[creative_writer]

Hi @outlander I hope today has been a better day for you 💖🫂

[Eve7]

Sending lots of love to you @outlander 

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

[Sans911]

Hello my beautiful lil Sis @outlander

You're neither exhausting to me, nor are you a burden. I think those people who told you that lack empathy and compassion. There are better ways to treat people if they are not wanting to be around you. 

I've had a similar situation this week with a support worker. He told to be quiet, that I always talked about mental health and suic*de, and it was a bit much.

I felt completely shut down, and ended up disengaging from him. 

We've since spoken about it, and I've told him there are better ways to talk to someone with a background of complex trauma. It remains to be seen if he can change. 

And now I feel awkward to talk about anything with him in case it happens again.

He's generally pretty good, and so far, we've gotten on quite well. So this is hard to cope with, but I don't want to lose him.

Anyway, I could sit with you for however long it takes to make you feel better and feel loved. I don't understand where the selfishness comes from as all I've ever see you do is take care of everyone else at the expense of your mental health and physical well-being. 

Gentle hugs my sweet angel. 💕💕

[outlander]

hi everyone

i just wanted to check in. its really hard for me at the moment.
NDIS had declined my application for not reading reports accuratly so now in an appeals process. i cant afford my supports anymore so i have no one and i cant access anything now that im not a carer. apparently once your a carer and you stop. no one cares.
there is a chance i will be facing homelessness in the next few months. im not allowed to stay in the house ive been in any longer then a few months and with no rental history and not alot of money its proving difficult.
i am still trying to clean out the house and i have upcoming medical treatment.
i was also surprised with another surgery the other day and that will be happening basically the same time i will need to be moving so i have to get through the first medical treatment and then start applying for private housing and hope i can get something within the next 2 months so i have time to move in and be settled before a major surgery that will leave me out of action for at least a month and thats if all goes smoothly.
i no longer have centrelink so everything in pricing has gone up because no pension.
its extremly stressful right now without support, worrying about how to keep working, sorting out ndis, going through the house and packing/donating/ selling etc, worrying about the medical treatments coming up which the first one costs 3k and the major one luckily my insurnace covers most but im still about 5k out of pocket
DSP was also declined at this stage so im trying to sort more evidence out to eapply again.
im working double shifts to make sure i can pay the rent i have here and new housing, water, power, my health expenses and my car loan. i cant loose my car too so its important i can keep paying it.

im so sorry for not being here. being told that your to much for everyone and no one wants to be around you has been very hard.
the volunteer team i was with also doesnt want me on saturdays anymore either so another thing to hurt my heart.

psychologist is away so no support from her either but i only have 2 sessions left anyway till january now.

BPD and ptsd is making things even harder with more flashbacks including physical feeling flashbacks, nightmares, dissociating and extreme emotions i dont know whether im arther or marther at this moment.
im getting so tired but i cant afford not to work. if im not working im sleeping. i am hardly seeing my horses either i dont have the time or energy for it.
this is proving to be a very stressful and lonely time for me. im sorry that im not here for anyone or keeping up but i guess i just wanted to check in. i dont have anywhere else or anyone

@Sans911@Snowie@Eve7@Emelia8@creative_writer@tyme@Sophia1@Owlunar2  @Ainjoule @Shaz51 @Bow  and everyone. sorry if ive forgotten anyone

[Emelia8]

Gosh @outlander ❤️ you are dealing with so much right now. I'm so sorry 😔.  I don't know what else to suggest, as it sounds like you have most things covered. All I can say is, best of luck with the reviews. As well as the upcoming surgery. If strength and resilience counted, you'd be on top of the world. Don't give up 🙏

[Eve7]

Thanks for checking in @outlander and I am so very sorry you are facing so much. I wish that I could say something helpful to you but I'm here and willing to be a sounding board at any time.

You are a precious friend to me so please tag whenever necessary.

Lots of love xo

[Stout]

Gosh @outlander 

That's really hard. Such adversity. Don't know what to say.

Be strong and I hope you get through the next few months smoothly.

[Snowie]

Good morning @outlander 

Firstly, thanks for checking in and including me in your post.

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment. Life shouldn't be that hard.

Please don't be sorry for not being here. You need to do what is right for you and put yourself first.

I hope you are able to sort through some of the things in the coming weeks.

Please remember you will always have a place here hon.

Sending lots of love 💕💕

[Shaz51]

Ohhh my @outlander , sending you lots of hugs and sitting with you my friend ❤️ 

We are here for you 

@Snowie , @Stout , @Eve7 , @Emelia8 , @tyme 

Hello @Sans911 😊