disclosing very uncomfortable information

[Former-Member]

hi @Ellu

i havent disclosed much to family or friends only that i was having trouble with mental illness though i did specify the types and what they ptsd was well one one them anyway just not this very recent disclosure. no one knows except the people that have read my thread on here.

yes dealing with my mental illnesses are very difficult and with very minimal support it does make it hard and i often feel very alone and isolated and ashamed for having these conditions. i also often blame myself for having these conditions and most of the time i think i deserve these conditions.

[Ellu]

Dear scared 01, Don't ever, ever feel guilty or ashamed of having a mental illness, If you had a broken arm, would you feel guilty about that? No! Because it is an illness which is beyond your control. A mental illness is just that - an illness, nothing to be ashamed of. It is probably your illness which is MAKING you feel guilty and ashamed. You need to come to terms with the illness, and I promise you the guilt and shame will be much less if not disappear entirely.

I still havent gathered whether you are seeing a health care professional. You need someone with the experience and insight of dealing with this type of situation to talk to and support you through this very difficult time. Unfortunately it is not something you can do on your own - you need someone you trust and feel comfortable with so that you can discuss the things which are troubling you. If you haven't done so already, ask your GP to recommend someone to you. It is through talking things over inan atmosphere of complete trust that you will better come to face your difficulties and get rid of their grip on your life.

And don't forget the forum is here, supportive and non-judgemental, here for you all the way.

Ellu

[Former-Member]

hi @Ellu

yeah i guess your right. im just sturggling with it all.. how did you come to terms with it ? if you dont mind sharing?

sorry i thought i answered that.. i am seeing a psychologist and doing a suicidal prevention program which i also see a psych face to face once a week and get a phone call from a hotline involved in the program once a week as well.

[Redraw]

I can relate to a lot of things, sorry but I am stepping back to your disclosure, sadly a big part of that is the self blame, you were a defenceless victim, you should not fear judgment or anything else but as I say I can relate. When it comes to self harm it's about the repair, the pain within you is so great but you have no fix, while physical injuries are generally easily repaired and understandable, of course as with any addiction there are increases and more and more dangers. 

You are not to blame, you are better than that, you don't deserve to suffer, you were the victim, you have no reason to be ashamed. 

[utopia]

@Former-Member.
You are not to blame for having MI. Would you say the same if you had Diabetes or Cancer? No. Nobody asks to have an illness & a mental illness is simply an illness of the brain. Often triggered by trauma. Sometimes faulty chemicals. Sometimes a genetic link. Nothingto be ashamed of.
You simply have an MI.

[Former-Member]

hi @Redraw

yes self harming is starting to become out of hand and thats the first thing i turn to exactly like an addiction.

[Former-Member]

i guess so @utopia it just hard to think that way. im still coming to terms with it and still struggling with it a fair bit

[Jek]

Hi scared, it's me, Jek. Hope you're going a little better today. I've just been reading through the thread, and I do tend to agree with some of the senior moderators to be cautious about how much you reveal. Can you arrange to see a professsional person. There are many things to help, especially when self harming thoughts arise. Glad that you enjoy music. I love music, and I even compose and record as I work through my Post traumatic Stress condition. It is a beautiful thing to enjoy. Can you go for a nice walk today, just to a park, somewhere quiet just to relax a little. You've overcome the barrier to keep this inside of you now, and time can gently heal all of your wounds. Please have a lovely day today.

[Former-Member]

hi @Jek

still struggling but im ok i guess.

one day at time hey?

im spending my day catching up on housework and studying today and enjoying music while im doing that and then my sisters school event ths afternoon that im going to.

i see a pscyhologist weekly so im already seeing a professional 🙂

[Ellu]

Dear Scared01,

I am glad you are seeing a psychologist. If you tell him/her about your feelings of guilt and shame you can start a dialogue about it and the psychologist can support and guide you in starting to feel better about yourself. I have had periods in my life when I have been overcome with feelings of shame and guilt at not being able to handle the world and lead a normal life.

What worked with me was that I started seeing a wonderful psychiatrist who gradually brought me to realize that it was not my fault, that I was not to blame, I just had an illness which needed to be treated. Once my illness was treated I started to feel normal again. This did not take weeks, more like months, but I got on top of it all in the end.

I won't lie to you, my illness has come back from time to time (I have bi-polar disorder) and then I have had to reach out to my psychiatrist again for support and care.

Talking is the key to all this - being able to talk to someone you trust who cares. Your psychologist can become your biggest ally and support.In the meantime, try to focus on those little things that give you pleasure - a cup of coffee out, a walk around the block, a good book or video. You are only starting out, but things can only get better from now on.

Ellu