When life just doesn't let up!

[D1ng0]

Hey, folks. It's been a while. Hope you're doing okay.

I'm diagnosed with bulimia nervosa, major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, central sensitisation (fibromyalgia), chronic insomnia, yadda yadda. I'm also a few years sober from alcohol.

I am genuinely trying my hardest to manage my conditions, and change things that are within my control. I'm strict about my sleep hygiene. I haven't relapsed. I'm eating in a more moderate way. I'm not restricting. I'm socialising where I can. I'm doing stretches that help my chronic pain. I'm seeing a psychologist and a specialist dietician. All of my effort has been paying off with small gains.

What's frustrating/draining is that life doesn't seem to care. Bad shit just keeps happening, no matter how much effort I put in. I'm trying really, really hard. I just wish the world would cut me some slack. Things that aren't in my control, including unexpected dental issues and housing problems, are making me sick with anxiety. I don't know how much more I can take.

It's really difficult for me to do the necessary things to cope. The harder life gets, the harder coping is. I'm so tempted to just give up. To stop functioning, to stop trying... But I don't want to do that, because that would mean undoing so much progress. I just want life to stop for a bit. But that's not possible.

I'd love some empathy, or just some kind words. I'm so exhausted, all the time.

[Jynx]

@D1ng0 you ever notice how life's stress comes in waves? Well... it has historically for me anyway. When was the last time you had a lull? Maybe another one is just around the corner? 

I am sorry to hear how overwhelming it is. It does remind me of this Star Trek quote though:

It is really awesome to hear how much you're putting into your self-care and healing!! Even if it doesn't necessarily feel like it right now, your mind and body will be soooo thankful for it later! The care you're providing yourself now means that when the extra stress from life does come flying at you, you're way more likely to bend instead of breaking.

Keep going friend! We're behind you, rooting for you all the way 💜

[MJG017]

Hi @D1ng0 

The universe can seem like a vindictive bastard at times can't it!  You can keep adapting to each thing you get handed, and the universe says "You thought that was hard... here's another one to ponder."  As you say, there's just no option but to keep going because giving up just doesn't feel like a realistic option.

You seem to have made so much progress and dealing with so many challenges that the strength and resilience you've shown is incredible and really inspiring.  It is more than fair for you to feel frustrated and drained with everything at the moment.  But try not to let that take away from how hard you are trying have how much progress you have made!

You're right though, life just doesn't seem to care.  Everything can feel so random, like it doesn't matter what we do.  Good things can happen to bad people, and bad things can happen to good people.  The randomness of a chaotic universe I guess.  I like to try and take some strength from that. You've had a lot of bad things, so just from the law of averages, surely some good luck is on the way for you.  As @Jynx pointed out, it's possible to do nothing wrong but still lose.  But I like to think things do tend to balance out given time.  So I really hope you ave some of those good tings coming you're way really soon!

In the meantime, just trust in yourself and all that strength and resilience you've already shown to know that you can get through this and that a lot of these current challenges will get easier, especially with all that effort you are putting in.  So maybe just take everything a day at a time, and try not to think of everything going on... just in an effort to reduce that feeling of being overwhelmed, which is completely understandable.  And like you've done here, reach out for that support when you need it.

I know all too well how unfair life can be but all streaks come to and end.. whether they be good luck ones or bad luck ones.  Sometimes life just hands us a crappy hand and we have to play with it, but i've found that it can also be a source of strength and through our battles to get through can eventually bring some positives into our lives.  Positives we would never have found without having to fight those battles.  So even though you probably have every right to, don't let it get you down too much and just keep doing what you're doing and keep fighting those battles and know there are people to support you while you do it.  And remember that sometimes it's okay to just take some time for yourself and recharge with some self-care in order to resume the battle later.

[Former-Member]

Hello @D1ng0 you are doing everything you can to stay afloat! Life just seems happens unfortunately to the best of us. Dental can certainly throw anyone off. I had a wisdom tooth out a few weeks ago and it was almost impossible to pull out and took a whole hour to extract. I also had to take in Epipens!!! I hope you are able to find some sanctuary while all this other stuff in your life is going on. 

I do Qigong now so things around me don't affect me.  I love strengthening my Wei Qi field - its a buffer against all the assaults life tends to give us. Its a beautiful feeling having coherent energy and feeling tranquil.

Wanted to also say I played 174Hz Solfeggio frequency before during and after my dental appointment to stop pain and stress. Dentists know about 174Hz and there have been studies on this frequency and dental patients on the internet. Its been shown to help pre-dental anxiety in people that hate going to the dentist.

Anyway I do understand what you are going through. Life makes it seem raw and rather unfair given that you put in the effort. I know how that certainly feels. Once you get the dental out of the way you can tick it off your list and then start attending to other matters. Just one day at a time, step by step and you will get there. Be patient with what your mind and body is telling you and try to self soothe the best way you can. Find that space of comfort within you

[D1ng0]

Hey @Former-Member, thank you heaps for the kind words and understanding.

I don't want to talk too much about dental stuff in this thread, such as descriptions of traumatic extractions, as I am trying to avoid those thoughts right now. But thank you for the empathy, and for sharing that you've had negative experiences too.

I do not share your views about the legitimacy of the bible-derived solfeggio frequencies, I'm afraid. But I don't want to debate that here, that would just stress me out, and it'd be pointless. Let's agree to disagree on that front. No hate, genuinely-- I'm glad you've found what works for you.

Self-soothing is such a hard thing for me to experience, lately... My brain and body is definitely telling me to self-soothe, but unfortunately that's manifesting as unhealthy ED behaviours which cause physical and mental pain. I've got years of harmful coping mechanisms to unlearn, which often feels impossible. So that contributes to a feeling of hopelessness, and an urge to just give up. Every day is very hard to navigate. But you're right, one day at a time. Thank you for offering a message of support.

[D1ng0]

Thank you so much, @MJG017. Your entire message is really reassuring for me. The words "inspiring" and "incredible" are the furthest from how I feel about myself and my progress, it's hard to digest that... it means a lot that you'd say such a thing!! Especially because the people in my life just seem to expect me to be okay, so when I'm not, I just feel like I'm failing. It takes work to feel proud of what I'm doing to stay alive, to avoid relapsing, to minimise pain flares, etc. That effort feels like the bare minimum just to function, something I'm obligated to do, not something I'm allowed to feel proud of. I don't know if that makes sense, but yeah, that's what's going on in my head. So, thank you for the encouragement, and a view from outside the bubble :'-)

[D1ng0]

Hey @Jynx, thank you so much for being so lovely, and for that Star Trek quote 😊 It's a harsh truth but it does weirdly help, when presented that way. Makes the bad plot twists in my life seem less personal. I guess we'll call this period of time... character building?? 😅 I sure hope so, anyway.

I'm almost reluctant to hope that a lull is just around the corner, to be honest... Getting my hopes up has been very harmful to my mental health. But at the same time, I don't want to live in misery, believing that nothing will ever change. All I can think to do right now is focus on the grind of recovery/managing, and hopefully things will change around me, then I'll suddenly notice how much better I'm doing? I don't know. Regardless, thank you again for the support!!

[Former-Member]

No stress @D1ng0 I can take your values on board without being offended its just stuff thats worked tremendously well for me.

I put it out there anyway but it doesn't always necessarily align with other folks belief systems.

Its hard to know whether to proffer the information or not but I do nevertheless just in case someone might be interested!

I surprised myself with my last dental appointment, I hope you have a relatively well managed session with your dentist.

It makes all the difference having a good dentist who is calming, caring and compassionate.

Heres me wishing for you the same thing and that the day passes quickly for you

Holding you in my heart and sending a resonant field of good luck your way!

Good nite

[MJG017]

@D1ng0I guess that is the thing... somebody's bare minimum effort just to function is a herculean effort for someone who doesn't know the same level of struggle.  Through struggle can come a lot of strength.  If i'm incredibly strong I can lift a great weight that someone who isn't as strong would struggle with.  Should I be proud of that?  Maybe not, but I can be damn proud of all that work that made me that strong!  I think you can look at it the same.  Be proud of everything you've overcome and are still here fighting on!  That takes a lot!

I know, for myself especially, if left to our own thoughts, we can see ourselves unfavourably.  Sometimes we need that voice from 'outside the bubble' to remind us of our strengths and our value.  The more we hear it, the more we can start to doubt those doubts from within.