Today Ramble

[ButterflyWings]

I wondered why I had a headache and realised that I'd been holding my breath. No wonder my chest felt odd.

Have just come back from doing a few things at local village shops with husband. Not particularly obviously stressed, but definitely feeling wonky. 

Last night, some very dark urges and thoughts came to me and I haven't been able to shake them totally. Sleep is ok with med. 

I want support but can't find the words to speak aloud...or who to turn to, for that matter. 

Please don't suggest Lifeline, that involves talking to neurotypicals who don't understand. Having to explain literally everything I say adds to distress. Also the stigma-laced comments and insinuations are hurtful. For example, why must feeling the way I am have to equal paranoia?! Oh if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that...and I end up hanging up every time.

I have a church community but they are not trained counsellors or anything useful. The pastoral team have lost their best pastor...she has chosen to withdraw from ministry and was the only person who gets me.

I have to last til at least 5th Jan when physical help is open again.

Oh and did I mention that hubby isn't good expressing and talking about emotions so I don't feel I can go to him either?

A bit of a quandary.

Ugh...just found this several minutes after I'd written it and discovered I hadn't actually posted it. Story of my life.

[muunz]

Sorry not much support from. But I totally get where you're coming from. Every time I open up to someone I only get pitty or fake concerns that go no where. I just want someone who understands or gets me. My boyfriend the same as your husband and I find it pointless trying to get some kind of support from him. Sorry I couldn't help.

[ShiningStar]

Hi @muunz 

I just wanted to welcome you to the forums! It’s great to have you here 

I just noticed that you reached out to provide some support to @ButterflyWings  which is fantastic!

Something that helped me when I was new to the forums (and still learning the ropes) was that if you place @ in front of a forum member’s name (like I did for you) they will receive a notification letting them know that you have replied to them 

Opening up and sharing our stories with other people can be a really vulnerable experience and it’s often really distressing when we don’t receive the emotional responses and support that we so desperately need and deserve 

Feeling that those around us truly understand who we are and where we’re coming from is just so important and I really hope that you find the support that you’re looking for here 

I look forward to seeing you around the forums 

Take care,

ShiningStar 

[ButterflyWings]

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@muunz It's comforting knowing I'm not alone feeling this way. 

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[jay2]

Hi ButterflyWings, Dont let your husbands non interested attitude turn you off.  I talk to my cats .the chooks, my plants and myself.  When I start going over the edge, I talk myself back into the real world,I am my own comforter I put myself straight and I am a hard taskmaster. Talking to your self makes you think about things deeper because you cant afford to make mistakes because it is your life you are mucking about with.   When I go shopping I talk to the teller in the bank ,the shop assistants,other shoppers ,the librarian other book borrowers,strangers ,casual friends...My husband often says to me."do you know that person"  I say "no.,but I do now" and they remember you and give you a nod the next time they see you. Hope your conversations with hubby or any one or any thing improve.    Cheers ...jay2