Riding a wave

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CherryBomb I talked it all out. You will listen to it sometime won't you. I am going to snuggle into my shell now and go to sleep. You will watch over the ocean tonight? Who will watch over it on the nights that @NikNik doesn't, after you go away? My whole inside hurts and I feel super alone and super scared.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising,

I have just listened to it. I will keep watch over the ocean tonight. 

There will be SANE moderators who will keep close watch of ocean, but for the next few nights you got me keeping watch.

Try and get a good night's rest. Snuggle up into your shell and we can chat more tomorrow. I'd like to see through with you so you can feel safe as possible. 

Sleep tight

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I have just woken up and I am totally flooded with big feelings. I am super super super flooded. Everybody goes away. EVERYBODY GOES AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a giant angry feeling but I know the giant angry feeling is just a secondary feeling that is covering up the real feeling of even more super gigantic grief. My whole entire being is flooded with grief, but I know it comes out and is perceived by others as anger. My brain is flooded with feelings and memories. Everything is flooded. Everything is super super super super super flooded.

[KobeCat]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

Kobecat here, the overnight moderator.  

Sorry to hear things are difficult this morning,   I just sent you an email. 

Kind regards, 

Kobe

[Phoenix_Rising]

@KobeCat I have just responded to your email. I didn't find it particularly helpful. The unhelpfulness of it is exactly the reason why I am so flooded with grief and hopelessness that @CherryBomb is leaving. Why oh why oh why oh why can't I ever have just a tiny bit of stability in my world where things stay constant and settled long enough for my brain to stop being on high alert waiting for the next wave to hit.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising Im sorry that you are feeling so upset, I can understand you are struggling with the loss of your friend and support.  It can be difficult when we become so reliant on certain support systems, when those supports are removed we find it difficult to find other ways to self manage.  I am wondering how you have helped yourself in the past when you have felt this way?  Have you got some coping strategies you have utilised before?

It would seem that your friend is fighting their own battles right now and they are trying to find the best way for them to manage.  They are obviously not managing too well either right now.  As a friend I know you would support them finding anyway they can to cope.  I have seen how well you have supported others in this forum before.

I hope that things get better for you soon.

Take care, MummaMia

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member @Former-Member @NikNik @CherryBomb I think there is a 100% chance that I will be calling the SANE helpline at 9:01am this morning. Please don't be angry. Please don't shame me for being me. I know you won't. I know that I'm only fearing that because of a thousand voices from my past. I know you won't say all the sorts of things that most people say when I am struggling with gigantic feelings. I know you "get" it. Thank you so much for getting it. Thank you so much for getting me.

[Former-Member]

We are definitely not angry, we are here for you @Phoenix_Rising riding this wave alongside you, it will be okay

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member this is what you were talking about on the phone, right? Yes, I think it would definitely help me feel safer if you and @Former-Member got yourselves a couple of these so that I can feel less scared that you are going to get squished by a bus and thus create more grief and loss in my world. If you got squished by a bus it would be EXTREMELY annoying...for me I mean.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Phoenix_Rising sending you hugs my friend

Hello @Former-Member, @Former-Member