Thank you for the offer of teddy @Former-Member. 
Lifeline and the SCBS hang up on me. The only place I call is SANE, but there are rules about when I can call and I can't call now.
I read your list of reasons why you believe you are bad. I have a very similar list, 5-HT, so I guess that makes me bad too.
I'm so bad that:
- Every friend I ever had, has gone.
- My siblings and I parted ways after my mother's funeral 13 years ago. I have no idea where they are or even if they are alive.
- I've been thrown out of two churches.
- My psychologist of 16 years told me that I was evil, a stupid f*ucking shit, a monster, and a f*cking irritant.
- I've had four restraining orders taken out against me.
- I've had other people threaten legal action if I didn't stay away from them.
- One psychologist dumped me, telling Victims Services she was traumatised from working with me.
- (A) banned me from her office.
- A psychiatrist refused to even meet me after getting some information about me from my GP.
- The neurofeedback psychologist dumped me.
- And of course, most recently, my turtle whisperer dumped me.
Like you @Former-Member, there is a whole lot more that I choose not to share in Forum Land. You mentioned that you cannot conceive of another person being so intrinsically and fundamentally bad. How is my list any different to yours???
Just wanted to know that I hear your super muddle tonight and am happy to ride those super super super waves with you tonight 
Thank you for dropping by the super stormy ocean @Catcakes and for thinking of such a nice song to play on such a stormy ocean.
I like the half-smiling exercise.
I think it's ok to mindfully drive, but I'm not so sure about doing other mindfulness stuff while driving!
Thank you for dropping by @Former-Member.
@CheerBear I actually was playing with data for most of the day. The weight of my muddle just fell very heavily very quickly. I like TTT such a lot...but the muddle is so big now. Being dumped by my turtle whisperer has added a whole new gigantic layer to the muddle. I don't see how it is that she and her boss can't see this. I mean they ARE psychologists! You'd think they'd have some idea! But no, their attitude seems to be that I have TTT now so it doesn't matter at all that yet another person has walked out of my life in such a super unhelpful way.
I still keep getting flashbacks of the moment when I was begging my turtle whisperer not to do this. But she did, and my soul has died, and now I don't even know what "getting better" looks like anymore. 
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.