Riding a wave

[Zoe7]

I am here with you too @Phoenix_Rising and hearing how much you are hurting and wishing you weren't

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Zoe7 @Former-Member This is crazy making stuff. This is brain-mushing stuff. I had settled. I was in bed. Now I am in utter crisis again. What do I do? They say things that make no sense, refuse to respond to my requests for an explanation and then remove the post wherein I seek guidance from you guys about what it means. How can they not see that this is crazy-making stuff??? 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

I hear there has been big waves of emotion and confusion tonight.  Please note that we are in the process of emailing you. In the meantime, I just wanted to let you know that I can see you and @NikNik in the giant nutella jar, as I watch over the ocean.

[Zoe7]

Right now in crisis mode @Phoenix_Rising you are unable to even begin to make sense of anything. Now is a time you need to try to sit with the wrongness and look after you the best way you can. We are here sitting with you and listening for as long as you need through this little turtle.

[Teej]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising,

my timing in writing this post is awful but I wanted to write it for a few reasons. I guess firstly I wanted to address this as your peer, and a peer who experiences very big emotions around similar kinds of things as you. One of my biggest attempts came after I was stopped from seeing my psychologist. My fear of her abandoning me had got in the way of our therapeutic relationship. I’m not saying this is what you are experiencing because I don’t now your situation but I suspect your very very big feelings come when you can’t understand something and it doesn’t make sense to you. It took months for me to let it go. My new therapist worked with me for the first few months at helping me accept the situation and find closure for me to be able to start therapy with her again. Ultimately it didn’t matter how unfair it was or how traumatic it was for me I had to radically accept it......and that took sooooo long and so many tears and tantrums to do. 

I also wanted to share that I’ve had some experiences on the forum and with the help centre that have been difficult for me to accept and grow from. Before you and many others were on the forum I was in crisis on here A LOT. I was often uncontrolled and let my emotions rule which meant I often broke rules, scared others and hurt and dragged others with me in my chaos....(note* I still do sometimes but not like I used to). I then turned to the help centre but became over reliant on them. The help centre then put boundaries around my contact with them. I struggled immensely with these boundaries. I am really terrible at boundaries. I have experienced lots of big emotions with this too. For me personally when I’m in rational mind I know there are really good reasons for this, I don’t like them but I accept them. I wanted to say that I feel that the help centre have my best interests at heart even when I encounter tricky situations and can’t understand in the moment because my brain is fried. I am and will always be grateful for the support they have given me in the past even when it hurt lots. I know your brain might think differently to my brain on this but I know I’ve grown from some of the tricky challenges both on the forum and with the help centre. I think part of me wants to let you know that we all have different ways of looking at things and I wanted to share my thoughts. I really do feel for you as I know how big these feelings are but hope that you can find a way to deal with them. It sometimes it gets difficult for me personally to feel caught up in the very big emotions that are you going through but knowing the help centre staff are trying their very best under difficult circumstances ( they are so busy helping everyone these days it’s so hard to get through)  to provide the best service they can. 

I hope you can work through this with TTT in a helpful way, it’s awesome you found her. Please know that in the meantime I’ve quietly been in the background hoping that things will get easier for you. I often read your posts even though I don’t respond often. This vicious cycle of very big emotions is so exhausting and I wish you didn’t have to experience them too. Best wishes. 🐢 💐 

[Phoenix_Rising]

WHY was my post removed? HOW did it breach the guideline of respect? How was it any of these things:

• is obscene or offensive
• is malicious, personally attacking or hostile
• may incite hatred or be seen as discriminatory
• could be seen to be serving yours or somebody else’s commercial interests
• could be interpreted as professional advice such as legal, medical, or financial advice.

I didn't identify anyone. How can it be disrespectful to someone when the someone is in no way identified? It is so impossible to tell who I was talking about, that @NikNik thought it was her. 

Can someone please help me to understand this????

[Former-Member]

Too many buses, @Phoenix_Rising, I know. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Teej you are right, your timing is awful! You know NOTHING about what has happened over the past few months. This situation is so bad, my psychologist advocated for me. Both she and my GP recognise that the situation that has been going on for the past three months has been doing catastrophic harm to me. There is no growth that is occuring out of this. The person who made the decision has acknowledged to me herself that she knows it is doing me harm. I am in such crisis now, I can't even begin to process your post, but I do know that it has nothing to do with my current situation. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

Oh and ps @Teej, I didn't mess up with the boundaries with the HC. The rule was that I could call once a week and I was super good at sticking to that rule. This situation has nothing to do with any boundary violation. I am in utter utter utter crisis. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Serving a late dinner here @Phoenix_Rising but looking in on you ..... we are not pretending not to see .... we are here with you.  I will be more here with you when my dragons are fed .....

We have interacted with you over the removed post ... and I can hear that you are finding it invalidating, but a removed post is followed through with an email that tells us why it was removed, and often with suggestions for altering it to fit with whatever the restriction was ......

Breathe @Phoenix_Rising ..... that is first and foremost in any sense of crisis ..... breathe to calm your system down so we can talk to you beyond the sense of panic and confusion .....

The chat about the puzzle piece has happened here now amongst your forum folk ..... whether it has been removed or not ... so that much is not removed .... our chat is still with us all and the wondering what has happened and what can be done .... but beyond that we are all sitting in Nutella jars ....

So let’s gently rock them on the ocean and try to rest our brains because the answers are not going to happen right here, right now, tonight .... and lizard brains and banana brains and melting rainbow Rubic cube brains all need to wind down a little .... because frying them further is not going to help.

We are here with you @Phoenix_Rising .... we can do that much here and now ..... here with you .....

💐🐢