@Former-Member at least we can both know we aren't alone in not mattering. It isn't anything personal, it's just the way of the world. The group is worth more than the individual. Humans have been abandoning the weakest member of the tribe for thousands of years. It is the law of nature - the weakest will be abandoned to ensure the survival of the group. It is what it is.
@Former-Member I did get to Spotlight. However, it was more a chore than the fun thing that it would have been if I wasn't in crisis. I was super grateful for @Former-Member's list. I just worked my way down it as best as my flooded and dissociated brain would let me. One thing we didn't factor in @Former-Member was that everybody else had already taken advantage of the 72 hour 30% off sale so there were lots of empty shelves! Sadly this meant I couldn't get the set of hooks, which I was disappointed about. However, I bought three - two smaller than the one I already had, and one bigger.
I managed to do the maths very nicely and ended up paying $44 for $77 worth of stuff. I did have a little giggle to myself imagining @CheerBear trying to navigate that maths - maths is not CheerBear's strong point. 
Super big thank you for being here @Former-Member. I feel calmer since an email came through a little while ago. I feel so confused and scared. I super didn't mean to spill it all out here in Forum Land. I followed all the rules today but the email bus crushed me so so SO badly. It is all so hard to understand. I can follow the email rule...but I really need the emails to be responded to. The more I am shut down, the more it triggers memories of what happened at the church and the more flooded I become. I super know when I'm in my lizard brain...but I don't know how to get out of it without help...and there is no help. Talking talking is the single most valuable thing for helping me to get out of my lizard brain, but I have no one to talk talk to. So Forum Land is my only option, even though I know it is far from ideal. 
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.