Riding a wave

[Phoenix_Rising]

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@Faith-and-Hopewrote:

I hear you @Phoenix_Rising .... you need a voice .... you need to be able to talk and I appreciate that you have said that you don’t want to revisit the situation to aggrivate it .... you just want an avenue where you can talk to a person and be heard for the feelings that you have that you need to express.

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@Faith-and-Hope That is so so SO much it!!!!! Mistakes happen. I am not angry. I just need help to process it. I don't need justifications or explanations or talk of lessons learned or how to "moving forward." I just need to genuinely authentically non-defensively be listened to and heard and to hear those invaluable words "we made a mistake and we are sorry."

[Former-Member]

At the end of a mediating process though there is not guarantee of anyone saying anything, other than that they listened... and as this is such a situation that we cant know anything about its so hard to know if something like mediation could be helpful or reasonable or feasible. Tricky conversations to be having with out having one where everyones minds are going in many directions of questioning...

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I guess it depends on the genuine intent of the parties...and at the end of the day, I can only know the genuine intent of me. For some weird reason, I do still believe in the genuine goodness of the other party. That's what makes this so very very hard to understand. How can such genuinely good, caring, amazing people do so much harm?

I really am stepping away from the computer now. I'm determined to get over to Spotlight before they close tonight. I'm going to take a drive in my car now. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I think if this suggestion has any merit, for starters it needs to be considered carefully .... and considering something carefully requires consideration time ..... and there are people who are aware of the things that happened, and those people are the ones who will need considering time and perhaps researching and discussion time .... and perhaps contacting others time .... but the bottom denominator here is “time”.....

@Phoenix_Rising you are taking the measures you need to to stay safe tonight .....

Perhpas this suggestion can remain suspended here for this moment  ..  and those of us who ar not in any sort of knowledgeable position can step back a little .... just far enough to keep our blanket of concern spread out here ..... far enough to listen to a turtle in distress .... but far enough also to allow for the time it takes for some cogs to turn ..... ?

I am still just thinking aloud here .... and I would like to thank everyone who is listening to me for listening .....

@Phoenix_Rising .... you matter to me.  I am glad you are here.  

🌷🐢

[Former-Member]

@Phoenix_Rising - I'm glad you're taking some time out to keep safe. I'm also really happy to hear you're even making a trip to the shop. I saw you've been partaking in some awesome new craft-y things , I approve

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Faith-and-Hope but how much MORE time. This has been going on since mid-December. I have tried and tried and tried to get support and I have been shut down more and more. TTT tried to advocate for me. Both she and my GP know the situation has caused and is continuing to cause catastrophic harm. It all flared again today because I got an "I am not going to discuss that with you" response to yet another emailed request for help to process part of the muddle. All I want is to TALK about it to process it through. I feel utterly utterly worthless. The damage could be healed if only we could talk it through. 😔😔😔😔😔

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member did a post of mine get removed? If so, why? There was nothing wrong with it. I so so SO can't cope with this. I am in utter crisis and so very very afraid. I am invisible, I am worthless, I am voiceless, I am powerless. 

I feel EXACTLY like I'm back at the church trying to get someone to hear me about the abuse. Please help me. Please hear me. Please don't shut me down. 

[Former-Member]

I'm looking into it @Phoenix_Rising I'll be in touch, ok?

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Faith-and-Hope I replied to you about half an hour ago when I was still out, but the post isn't there. I am desperately hoping that something just went awry with my phone and that it wasn't removed because I can see no reason at all why it would be removed. I feel so so so afraid. It is SO MUCH like being back at the church. No one hears me, no one believes me, no one wants to talk about it. The wellbeing of the church and everyone in it is worth more than one little scrambled turtle. The wellbeing of one must be sacrificed for the wellbeing of the many. The one does not matter. I feel so sick, so afraid, and so utterly utterly utterly worthless. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I'm so scared. I'm so so so scared. It is so exactly like my past. It's so totally exactly the same. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared, Scout. I am so utterly worthless now just like I was then. I am so alone and so utterly worthless.