Riding a wave

[Faith-and-Hope]

Wtg @Former-Member ..... 💕

[Phoenix_Rising]

Psssst @SleepyPanda,

A few weeks ago, I think I may have come across as snapping at you. It was the Friday evening when all the SANE moderators were MIA. I super didn't mean to come across that way. I really REALLY don't do change well - especially unexpected change. So...I just wanted to say sorry if it sounded like I was snapping at you. I super like seeing you appear - you seem to be appearing often enough to be a bit of a regular non-regular moderator. 

[SleepyPanda]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

I understand it was stressful not having the regular moderators.

Happy to be around trying to help everyone to be safe.

Thanks for the post.

SleepyPanda

[Maggie]

@Phoenix_Rising

[Faith-and-Hope]

[CheerBear]

Apparently it is Friday @Phoenix_Rising (as I realised thanks to Friday Feast happening). That means that it is now kind of like a long weekend to go until the world starts returning to normal.

Thinking of you tonight. Looking forward to seeing you whenever we do ☺

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Faith-and-Hope I super like that picture. That's about how big I feel relative to the size of my muddle. 

Speaking of muddles, I am super looking forward to NikNik coming back next week so that she and I can keep working on unmuddling the muddle of THAT night. Phew, that sure is a big muddle. I'm thinking of entering it into the Guiness Book of Records as the world's largest ever muddle. NikNik is superly duperly helping to unmuddle it though and that helps me to feel safe even though I'm still sitting in the muddle. 

[CheerBear]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising. Really quickly ducking in because Puffer was super busting exploding excited about something that happened today and I wanted to share while I had a moment. They lost their first tooth. It and its neighbour have been wobbly for ages and poor little PF has been really concerned about the whole thing. Their excitement happened when they realised the world did not stop when their tooth came out 😄

Secretly I was hoping it would happen a week ago so I could teach them a carol about missing front teeth (I think I mentioned that but maybe it was in my head), but this is good 🙂

Hope your day has been peaceful/had some good etc.

🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @CheerBear,

Phew, well THAT'S a relief, to discover that the continued rotation of the earth on its axis isn't contingent on Puffer fish keeping all their baby teeth forever! I can definitely understand Puffer fish's excitement about this! 

Does this mean the tooth fairy will come tonight???

It has been another super quiet day in my world. I am really REALLY noticing how obliterated my soul is since my turtle whisperer dumped me. I have to make a conscious effort to come into Forum Land rather than super wanting to be here. 

HOW could this happen, CheerBear? How could she do this much harm two days before I saw TTT? My brain was already so super scrambled. How could she put that final nail in the coffin TWO DAYS before I met TTT? All she had to do was follow through on her commitment to stay until the end of January. All she had to do was help me make a smooth transition to TTT. Now I don't even know how TTT can help me. There's nothing left to heal, CheerBear. My soul has DIED. 

It sounds like you have a super fun evening planned for tomorrow. I don't have any NYE traditions. It's just another night. I may or may not stay up until midnight - but that is more to do with my tricky sleep issues than with any felt need to stay up. 

It's only 3 sleeps now until @NikNik and everyone comes home to Forum Land. I figured that out by taking 1 away from 4...just in case you weren't sure. 

I hope your quick ducking in means you are doing something fun tonight, CheerBear. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

The ocean feels desperately dark and lonely tonight. 

2017 has gone. Another year that has blurred into the one before, which has blurred into the one before that, which has blurred into the one before that, all the way back to 1996. I simply do not know where the past two decades have gone. What a waste of a life. Distract they say. Listen to music, go for a walk, sit in the garden, etc. etc. etc. But when do we get to the FIXING bit? Distraction is great for helping you to survive, but that's ALL it does. It doesn't FIX anything. How many years and lives are wasted on empty distraction and simply surviving. I feel so utterly invalidated when I hear the same suggestions over and over and over again. When do we get to the FIXING bit???

And now, after being dumped by my turtle whisperer, what does fixing even look like? Nothing can be made out of nothing...and my soul has disintegrated into nothing. I believe that TTT is the right therapist for me...but two days before my first appointment with her, my soul died. I believe TTT is a very good therapist, but I don't believe she is a miracle worker. 

What does "getting better" look like when you have no family, no friends, and no one can actually stand being around you in the real world? What does "getting better" look like when psychologist after psychologist has walked out on you, saying they can't cope with you anymore? What does "getting better" look like when you are 40 years old, the thing you want most in the world is a career, and yet the message you repeatedly receive is that no one wants you around? Yep, the ocean is very very dark tonight. 

I super can't wait for the world to get back to normal. I super can't wait for @NikNik @Former-Member @Former-Member and everyone else to come home to Forum Land. 

Goodbye 2017.