Riding a wave

[CheerBear]

I really made a tiny turtle. Like palm size. I sort of figured that maybe it was important to have something to show the catt people if I accidentally slipped that there was one in my pocket, especially seeing that they're going to be lingering for a while. Plus I know that when my brain gets flooded sometimes a physical reminder of something good is very helpful. So here is Crush. Nemo of course and I kind of like the idea of this being a together but separate way of taking teenie tiny steps to crushing something that can crush people who really don't need crushing. Added bonus was realising the purple will be super helpful when I am doing a rainbow walk, because purple is so hard to find!

I don't really do friends either at the moment, but I am trying. I don't do friends because I know how much it can hurt when they are all gone. It's a different kind of thing for us, but it hurts. A lot. So I'll settle for super liking you and super liking you like me too 🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Spookytookims,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I don't think the issue is a matter of expectations on this particular occasion. It is not wrong to have expectations. It is not wrong to expect a psychologist to put some effort into the job she is getting paid a substantial amount to do. In my present situation, A, W, and even S (the psychologist herself) recognise that this was a serious mess up that should not have happened. This tells me that this wasn't a matter of unrealistic expectations. S caused harm because she didn't put the time and effort in.

I still don't have a clear picture of what went on here in Forum Land re. little cat so I don't have an opinion on how the situation was handled. What I do know is that this forum is the most amazing resource I have ever found and I know NikNik and CherryBomb work super hard at making it work. I can't imagine how tricky it must be sometimes to deal with all the very intense stuff that happens here and I am super grateful to them that they put the effort into making it work. Have you tried talking to someone from SANE about your concerns? As I mentioned the other day, I found it super helpful talking it through with Lunar when she pulled my post.

[Spookytookims]

I wasn't referring to lil-cat @Phoenix_Rising  but that's ok you weren't to know.    And I also don't think your expectations are unrealistic, quite the opposite I think they are very realistic.  I was just saying it is a matter or expectation.   We expect people to do a certain level of care and duty and when it doesn't happen it adversely affects us.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Spookytookims. I guess...but what's the alternative? How could anyone function with no expectations? I expect my roof not to cave in tonight. I expect the sun to rise tomorrow. I expect my car to start when I need to go out. And yes, I expect people to competently do the job they are paid to do. You are right in saying that when expectations aren't met, it adversely affects us, but how does one live without expectations?

[Spookytookims]

@Phoenix_Rising  I don't think it's a matter of functioning without expectations.    A while a go a friend of mine looked at me when I said something about the way I see things in comparison to them and they are a trusted friend.  She took my heand and looked into my eyes and said

"Yes. but spookytookims you have to realise you just see things so clearly that others don't. And you have to realise that." 

Now I always try to keep that in mind when things happen.  It doesn't mean it hurts les or sends me into confusion less... it doesn't.  I still feel like bursting into tears and lettiing it take me down into a vortex.  But then I think.. well I guess it's because I have that thing where I just see things others don't.  I'm diligent.  I see what you are saying about your psych and I understand completely, because I am you in that situation.  But in order for that situation not to rip me apart I think of what my friend told me an it helps me get through it.

It's like I typed that post to you.. I didn't mention unrealistic nor did I mention lil-cat..  yet you used those back to me as if I had said them.   I am sure you didn't mean to, but you did it.  Does that make you a bad person?  No.   I understand you are probably looking at what  I posted through a veil of emotions, just as Cheerbear and faith and hope are.  But it was not what I said.

[Appleblossom]

Butting in as I think this is a crucial discussion. Hope you dont mind. More than worrying about who is right or wrong. I am a person with too low expectations.  Personally I have to learn to UP them.  I am pretty logical in that I expect the rules of science to apply .. and I did science at a young age .. so it is foundational.

But for the social family stuff .. its different.

When I became a young mum  I had hopes, but I think that is different to expectations.

I actually felt for you @Spookytookims  when the mod seemingly ignored your position.

I am not good at demanding support and had similar experiences a few times in my first year on here ... and it did feel like I was knocked for six .. I just sucked it up ..

Things can get hard when we stretch analogies and similarities, cos people might defensive and the point obscured.

But Jeez guys. I love what you have both brought to the forum.

[Phoenix_Rising]

I'm going to have to leave you guys to chat about this amongst yourselves @Appleblossom and @Spookytookims. This is the space that I come to when I'm in crisis. By definition, that means my brain is super flooded with emotion such that I can't think straight. Thus this is not a space where I can get into a deep and meaningful. This is a space where all my energy is going into staying alive. After the storm settles, I will move into different parts of Forum Land where I will happily engage in an intellectual debate. But right now, I'm in crisis, my brain is flooded, and all I need to focus on is staying alive. I'm heading off to bed now, so that I can get up and try again tomorrow morning. Thank you for caring about me. Night.

[Appleblossom]

Cosy Cocoons @Phoenix_Rising

Sleep well All

[Phoenix_Rising]

Oh wow, I've woken up to discover that the wave has settled. I had a super good night's sleep, partly because I took some only-for-emergencies medication that I rarely take, and partly because I was so utterly exhausted from riding the wave for over 24 hours. Crying and rocking takes a LOT of energy - indeed, I think rocking should count as a form of exercise.

Hey @Appleblossom, @Spookytookims @Former-Member @Former-Member @outlander @Zoe7 @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Memberet al., look, the wave passed. I rode it out and it passed. This must be about the fifty-four millionth time that I've proven that the waves pass. Super big thank you for riding with me. You have no idea the difference it has made to my world, to find the Forums and to be able to feel safe knowing there is always someone here who will ride the waves with me. Thank you for being here.

[outlander]

Goodmorning @Phoenix_Rising i knew you could do it. Even little turtles seem to handles the big waves 😉
Very happy for you and proud of you ❤❤❤