Ok @Baboo, I have my hot chocolate and some tuna and ricecakes for dinner...even though I know that fish are friends, not food!!! 
I feel super sleepy after that gigantic flood of emotion. Methinks I will be snuggling into my shell to sleep super soon. I feel frustrated because I have done absolutely nothing all day except stay alive...which I know is a kind-of important something...but there are a lot of other things I would like to be doing!
So...I don't think we have actually met before. Hello, I'm Phoenix_Rising. There's not really much to know about me. I'm just your average run of the mill autistic sea turtle with BPD. I have a big muddle that has accumulated over the past twenty years and I kind-of generally just keep swimming, anticipating that one day the muddle will be less muddled. I am SUPER grateful that I discovered the SANE forums a couple of months ago. This is the best resource I have right now to help me in my muddle.
I'm not quite sure what has happened over the past few days. I guess muddles just have a tendency to ebb and flow like the tides and my muddle is currently at high tide.
@Baboo Wow you must have super good eyesight. I'm so far adrift in the ocean, I can't even see the coast of Forum Land so I'm super impressed that you saw me when I did this:
@Baboo do you play an instrument? I'm learning the violin. It helps me to feel super calm...I'm not sure if it has the same effect on my neighbours though! I can't wait until I'm good enough to really start expressing my big feelings through my playing.
Ok, I think I'm sleepy enough now to snuggle into my shell in the corner of this underwater cave. Super big thank you for being here. I'm in such a pickle right now, I don't even know WHAT I want. I want to connect with all the others that are hanging out in Forum Land tonight...but at the same time I feel totally overwhelmed and want to be alone. I want support...but then when people get too close, I pull away. I'm all in a muddle, so thank you for simply being here.
So...I'm going to go and snuggle in my shell, and I can know that if my shell starts flooding with giant feelings again, all I have to do is swim to the surface and raise my flipper and you will come. I'm going to take something to help me sleep so I won't actually need to do this...I just need to know that I COULD if I needed to. You guys do an awesome job on these forums. I know there are quite a few people really struggling at the moment. Thank you for the work that you do. Night.
@Former-Member can you please sit with me? I've woken up in crisis. I'm trying my hardest. I've emailed my psychologist asking if I can see her today and I'm waiting for the GP's office to open to see if I can see her. I'm trying my super super hardest. I know there are a lot of people struggling on the forum at the moment and I'm sorry for bugging you, but I really need someone to come and sit with me in my underwater cave until I can get some support here in the real world. I'm trying so hard. I don't need you to offer solutions or anything, I just need you to sit with me.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.