Possible Bipolar diagnosis?

[Alex9]

Hi!

I am seeking some advice from those diagnosed with Bipolar or bipolar adjacent disorders; this may sound ridiculous, but bear with me.  

I am questioning whether I may have bipolar or some mood swing adjacent disorder. I have had depression coming and going in waves for years. Months of being depressed, then months of fine, then sometimes weeks of mania (or at least that's what it seems like to me). 

I thought all this was because my family home was pretty violent, which caused me a lot of mental distress. 

However, at the start of the year, I moved out. I thought my mood swings would stabilise, but they haven't; I also have a heightened sense of paranoia around my roommates, who have done nothing for me to think like that, but regardless, I am. 

Thus this has made me think I might have some mood issues but I guess I do not display stereotypical "bipolar behaviour". Anyway I am afraid if I reach out to a therapist or counsellor about my concerns, that they will just laugh and dismiss me. I also think I am being wayyy to dramatic and dumb for thinking this but my moodswings are seriously affecting how I function. 

I was wondering if anyone with bipolar could share their experience with me, just so i have more information, I feel like anything I look at online doesn't help my understanding at all. 

Thanks for reading all of this lol

I appreciate any replies 

[Lax]

Hi @Alex9, 

        My recent experience has been a stress related relapse. The psych explained it as a brain blow out and focused on treating the symptoms of anxiety, lack of impulse control and burn out.
he did comment it’s somewhere on the bi polar spectrum and ADHD and I spent some voluntary time in a clinc to get access to professional treatment and the right kind of support to avoid any risks of reacting badly. I think we all have lost someone to difficult circumstances and misdiagnosis. 
   I’ve found there’s a modern approach to mental health treatment.  Rather than looking for labels, it looks at an individuals response to a history of trauma , as you mentioned in your post,  sounds like you’ve had some formative experiences, so be  clear about the impacts of this with your treating professional. If they aren’t helpful and what they say doesn’t resonate, you are in control,  there’s options for a second third fourth opinion

The biopsychosocial approach is a good starting point.

here’s a few steps if you’re in need. 

Biological- get a blood test by a GP to check for possible health deficits that may be contributing to stress. 

psychological- In that GP appointment get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist  appointment to talk about your specific concerns and needs. 

find the Social connections that offer compassion, acceptance and trust that give you the opportunity to be honest about your experiences. Isolation is a common symptom of any internal distress, Get helpful people around you and unfortunately sometimes people let you down

So keep trying there’s a lot of understanding and kind people in the most unlikely places. 

 You will grow through this tough time keep on seeking until you find the support needed.

Thanks for reaching out and for the opportunity to respond. 

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Alex9 and welcome to the forums.

 I don't have lived experience of bi-polar, but I wanted to stop by your post to say hello. I'm so glad that you've been able to find this space to reach out as I hear you're trying to better understand what's been going on for you.

Reading through your post, it sounds as though you've had some experiences in your family home that left you feeling unsafe and in distress. While I'm so glad that you have been able to move out of that situation, it's understandable that you might still be struggling to trust those you're currently living with. When we go through experiences like you have, it can have a lasting effect on our ability to feel safe and trusting of others. It can take time to recover from these experiences.

I think that as humans we tend to trivialize our own experiences and tell ourselves that we're being dramatic, but I want to assure you that no counsellor or therapist should dismiss or make you feel silly for reaching out. I think that talking to a therapist could really help you to better understand what's causing these fluctuating moods, as well as providing you with support and a safe space to talk about your experiences.

Do you currently have any supports who you've been able to lean on through all of this?

@Lax has suggested some great points in how to approach and consider building a support system. Seeing the GP is often a great first step to rule out any physical determinants that may be adding to our stress or varying moods, and they can also help to assess your mental health and create a mental health care plan which allows you to access subsidised psychology sessions under medicare. Do you have a GP who you'd feel comfortable talking to about this?

[Alex9]

Thank you, @Ru-bee and @Lax , for giving helpful advice. I do have a GP that I can talk to about my issues, and I have done so in the past. I've had a mental health care plan previously but did not end up using it as the psychologists I reached out to were not very helpful to me and gave me stress. By the time I went through all that, I talked myself out of getting help because I was doing "better."

I have once again contacted some different people, so hopefully, things will be different this time around. 

In terms of support systems, I don't have one. I have a good group of friends/roommates who I have known for years while going through turbulent mental health, but they do not know about it. 

I have a fear that if I open up to them, they will treat me like a freak and I don't want them to think of me as a burden. 

This is why I think seeking out a psychologist/counsellor will be good for me, I want to talk openly about my experiences but have had no one to talk about them with.

Thank you for your replies!

[MermaidHair]

Hello @Alex9, welcome to the forums,

I'm sorry to hear about what is bothering you, I can assure you you will not be laughed at or dismissed for reaching out for professional guidance with this!

I have bipolar disorder and what I can tell you about my experience is that I had no idea I had it. I had suffered from on and off depression for a lot of my life, and mild anxiety but otherwise I got by really well. I worked, had kids, friends, family, certainly wouldn't have thought I had a mental illness.

It wasn't until I went through a really scary period in which I developed some delusional and paranoid thoughts about my sister and a local business that things really escalated. I was eventually hospitalised due to a manic episode and it was there that I received my diagnosis. Initially I was very in denial, I remember telling the psych I can't possibly have bipolar because "I don't act like a bipolar person or do any of those things". I thought I didn't fit the stereotype. 

Now I'm aware of my bipolar and and how it manifests, it's really obvious, and also in hindsight that I've had it all my life. For me I only really struggle with my lows because depression is brutal, but the highs and mania are more like my normal, they feel positive, productive, high energy, it's only when they get to dangerous levels that they resemble anything out of the ordinary. Because I'm under treatment things never get to that point anymore 🙂

Regardless of whether its bipolar or something else going on for you, because really it could be a range of things. Definitely set yourself up an appointment to talk about it with someone.

I hope this helps 💜

[Lax]

@Alex9 how are you going today?
I understand your reluctance to open up with others. Its hard. I use Phone services recommended on beyond blue. can be helpful to talk anonymously.

[Alex9]

Thanks so much @MermaidHair for sharing your experience with me I really appreciate it!

I am attempting to contact some professionals so I can help sort myself out. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

[Alex9]

Hi @Lax 

I am going ok thanks! I am very stressed about uni and things but I am using some strategies that the Lifeline worker gave me, the calm harm app to try and regulate my emotions during this time and it seems to be working. 

I was having back-and-forth emails with a psychologist, and they said the earliest they can see me is October 3rd, which is a bit pretty depressing so hopefully, the other people I've contacted get back to me

Thanks for your advice though! I think maybe opening up more anonymously may give me the courage to do it with other people.   

[DownMoreThanUp]

It sounds more that you are suffering from bad life put into you in the past, maybe even trauma, that you have not worked through properly. The problem with bad life, once internalised, is that is begins to fester, which flares up depressive, angry and/or anxious moods.
Bi-polar, as an illness, is MUCH more severe, and unpredictable, than you describe your life to be. i miss lines containing, i am lost, in utter darkness, stuck with overwhelming sadness, in despair with myself, hopelessly overcome by negative feelings and thoughts most of the time, or i'm running around like i am invincible, yet which always ends in disaster.