On the edge

[Zoe7]

I have everything crossed for you and Daisy @Molly22 Today will be a hard day anyway for you so hoping the news on your sheep is better than expected. I will be here on and off during the day so reach out if you need for some company and I will get back to you as soon as I can - there are of course others here supporting you also so tag us all and hopefully one of us will be around pretty quickly 💖

[Molly22]

@Zoe7 @AussieRecharger @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Dimity  and others.......

Sorry I have been so quiet lately.  I have been really struggling and just shut down.  It's an ASD thing.  When things get really bad, I get really quiet.  Just can't deal with anything or anyone else.  I call it 'turtling'... hiding in my shell until it feels safe to come out.

It's been two weeks since hubby left for the US.  He has cut his trip short by a week and so that means I still have one more week to go. 😩

It's been hard.

Not sleeping.  Having to take care of the animals (and myself) all by myself.  Not that I mind being by myself.  That part has been incredible.  Just so tired.  Worrying about my sheep.  The earliest they can do the surgery is Feb8 and each day that passes the chance of saving her leg gets less and less.  And I'm just helplessly looking on.  Can't do a damn thing.  It's breaking my heart, not to mention my spirit.

I have managed to alienate the only 'in real life' friend I have.  My next door neighbour.  She thought she was helping me by phoning me constantly and giving me little tasks to do, favours I guess.  But I have such a limited amount of daily energy available to me even during the best of times, so it just wore me down, emotionally, physically, you name it.  So I blew up at her and now she isn't talking to me.  Which is kinda nice in it's own way, but now I'm wracked with guilt and just feeling terrible.  

Anyway.... also feeling guilty each time another email arrives telling me that one of you lovely people has mentioned me in a comment, and then me not being able to respond.  It's not that I don't think of you all often.  I'm just barely keeping my own head above water right now.  So again, sorry. 🙏

[Former-Member]

Hi @Molly22 
It’s nice to hear from you & it sounds like taking care of yourself and what you have on your plate right now is a priority. 

The image you described of ‘turtling’ 🐢 really felt like something I could relate to.

I think I can say that most of us will understand when people need time away from engaging in discussions here.

I can hear how hard it’s been. I hope that you are able to find a tiny bit of space amongst all the responsibilities to do or enjoy something for yourself. 💛

[Zoe7]

@Molly22 We used to have a member here I called 'Little Turtle' - she also had autism and would do exactly the same thing. Her go to was a giant turtle and a weighted blanket that she would hide away in - so I am not at all surprised you described similar. Having also taught many children n the spectrum and with various disabilities, I know all too well how hiding away is a comfort and safety thing - so do what you need Hon ...we will always be here when you can be and for all the other times - do not stress at all if you cannot reply to anyone ...your friends here understand - it is not personal, it is simply what you need to do to get through the day. 

I have been thinking a lot about Daisy but did not want to ask - that is so hard for you to have to wait for. I can only continue to hope for you and her that they can save her leg and she will pull through okay. Our babies are our world and to not be able to do anything more than you already are is heartbreaking ...hugs to you both 💖

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @Molly22,

Still here and listening... BTW if you want to repair that relationship with your neighbour, I would acknowledge it with a thank you and you understand what she was trying to do but a better way for you to help me would be blah... I am sure you can work out a system that works and may even be a fun way of a wink and a nod to know you are both doing okay, or that you need someone to bring around a cuppa and to sit in silence with you and watch the sun go down (or a baseball bat and a pinata, whatever floats your boat). 

Don't be in a rush to respond.. we know your busy, both physically and mentally at this time.. but we know you are worth the wait as well. 

[Former-Member]

Morning @Molly22,

We're all here when you have the space, there is never any rush to respond. Please take care of yourself. Sending big 💜 to your sheep.

Rhye ☘️

[Shaz51]

Hello and hugs my @Molly22 ❤❤❤