Not well

[magenta_miss]

Hi I'm new here and looking for support. I don't have any friends and my husband doesn't really understand how to be helpful. He tries, but is just losing patience with me. I have been a long time sufferer (30+ years) of anxiety and panic disorder as well as depression. I take my meds, I've been in and out of therapy over the years, but yet to find a psychologist that has ever actually helped me. I usually manage myself ok. But now that my sons are teenagers, with teenage problems I'm not coping at all. I have so much stress. I am in a constant state of anxiety and on high alert and am feeling so unwell. I have to referee between my eldest son and husband who fight with each other and that triggers my anxiety a lot. I have been in bed for 2 days now and my husband is frustrated with me. For the past 12 months I have been working 10 hours a week, which has been great for me. But with covid, I can't work and kids can't go to school. There is no routine and the house is in disaster. I spend my days worried sick about my 15 year old. He consumes my mind and I am always on edge. And now my 14 yr old is starting to create problems as well. Everything gets on top of me and it's all too much. Im struggling to parent my boys properly due to my own issues. I am a people pleaser due to abandonment issues and I struggle to say no to my kids.. in fear of making them angry with me and fear of losing them. I need to be stronger, but I can't find the strength. My mind is weak. I'm just an anxious mess at the moment and I need a solution.. thanks for listening. 

[Jaz1]

Hi.I'm new here too. I hope it may have helped a little to talk about what's going on with you. It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure, and going through a really difficult time . It could be a good idea to keep trying to find a psychologist that  you can talk to, and who will help you.

[magenta_miss]

Hi and thanks for your reply. I made an apt yesterday, but have to wait till July 20 for it. 

[Snowie]

Hi @magenta_miss 

Firstly welcome to the SANE forums. I have a teenager too and it is a struggle especially when they enter those teenage years.

I am glad you have made an appt. with a psychologist and hopefully that helps with you and your children.

If you would like to tag anyone just put a @ before there name like I did with you.

I hope you find the SANE forums as supportive as I do.

[Appleblossom]

@magenta_miss 

Warm Welcome

Two teenage boys so close in age would stress out the most balanced person.

It is a big pity that your husband does not recognise that his communication style with your eldest has a direct effect on you.  Of course it would.  He is kidding himself to think otherwise. 

I found it difficult to manage 2 girl teens (half sisters but close in age) under the same roof.  Sorry I have no easy answers.  In the end ours all lived in separate places, as I was too physically unwell to deal with so much conflict.  My only advice is to simplify things for yourself. Find a way to put out more expectations on them to behave and grow up gradually.  Many things should no longer be your struggle.  You have already done the HARD YARDS.

In many ways the boys are coming to the age where the father should be more involved if he can be effective, but if things are skewed then all the balanced are fraught.

Take Care

Just saying hi!

[magenta_miss]

@Snowie Thank you.

[magenta_miss]

@Appleblossom 

Hi thanks for your reply. 2 teenage boys at the same time is stressful, for me. Everyone says it could be worse, I could have girls. As though I should have no problems with boys 😕 

My husband does his best with what he knows how. He is just trying to discipline and keep my boys on track and gets frustrated with my defending of them.  I just don't cope with them getting angry or upset. It's my issue. I should be able to cope.