Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Oh no, definitely not. 

 Uni has been very busy. I have a lab report due Sunday. Then, three sem exams on the 10th, 12th and 17th. Another lab report is due on the 17th. An online quiz on the 11th. Then for may I have a group project on the 10th of may, lab report due on the 22nd and a research proposal on the 26th. Then exams in June.

I'm not sure if that is everything, but I think it might be. Plus the class content and classes. 

@Snowie 

[Snowie]

Oh my @Birdofparadise8 

Just reading that makes me tired!!

It does sound like there is a lot that you have on your plate. I'm glad it is spaced out a bit for you.

I certainly don't miss those uni days!!

[Birdofparadise8]

I know @Snowie 

Plus all the other stuff going on for me at the moment isn't helping. 

[Snowie]

It's hard when we have so much going on @Birdofparadise8 

Sometimes I feel like my brain is going to explode. So much inside.

I did read that you spoke to KHL which helped you set up a plan for your SI. That is really good to hear. At least that is a step in the right direction.

When do you see your psych next?

[Birdofparadise8]

Yes, that's a good way to put it: the brain exploding. 

Yes, she seemed quite worried last night. I screenshotted some of my most important posts and then read them to her. She seemed quite concerned with a few things I said. 

I was so scared telling her. 

I see him on Wednesday. I have a long list of things to talk about, and he will probably be worried as well now. 

I hate worrying people @Snowie. 

Over the past few weeks, I feel like one thing after another has happened, and it's all just slowly drowning me. Easter was very hard. Last week was awful. Well, the past few weeks haven't been great. 

[Snowie]

You might have been scared to tell her @Birdofparadise8 but the main thing is that you told her. You should be proud of yourself for that. It's not easy opening up to others.

I write things down for my psych too. Sometimes the list is too long to get through everything, so we just pick out the most important things for that day.

Yes your psych might be worried but they would probably be more worried if you just close down and not tell them anything. 

The last few weeks might have been hard, but you have made it through. You've been using your supports to help and that is great.

[Birdofparadise8]

That is all very true. Thank you @Snowie 

You're very kind. 

I do remember him saying he would be even more worried if I didn't tell him things. So maybe a little bit of worry is better than a lot. 

I feel like I don't deserve people to worry about me. I'm not worth it. I don't want to be a cause for concern. People have better things to worry about that are more important than me. I also feel very guilty about it. 

[Snowie]

It is hard to sit with those thoughts @Birdofparadise8 

There are times where we don't feel worthy of help. That others have it far worse. I think these feelings are normal and warranted. 

I guess what I am saying is that you are not alone.

I do want to point out that helping others, such as yourself, also helps me. It makes me feel like I am worth it, that someone else values me and my thoughts. So perhaps you can try and look at it that way. I'm sure when you help others you find some joy in it. 

I know that that guilt feeling won't go away automatically but perhaps looking at it from the other persons point of view might help your own feelings. Worth a try at least.

[Birdofparadise8]

Okay thank you for that @Snowie 

I do like it when I help people. 

You won't believe I have an exam on the 17th of April, and it's from 12:30 to 13:45. No No No. I can't do it earlier as I have a class, and I can't do it after as I see my psych, I won't want to do an exam after that. 

I was just wondering if I will get extra time for the mid-sem exam.

I was also wondering if I could sit the exam on Tuesday the 16th or Thursday the 18th. I have a class on Wednesday that does not finish until 12:30 pm, and it can go over it. I also have an appointment at 1:45, which I cannot miss.

Do you think saying that to the unit head will be enough? I see my psych at 1:45 on a Wednesday, and I won't see him next week due to him being on leave. I won't cope until the 24th. He doesn't have any other appointment available the week of the 17th. I'm about to cry if she won't change the day for me. 

I have class so surly that's enough. 

[Birdofparadise8]

I'll cry if she says no to changing it @Snowie