Need to vent

[Bow]

Hi @Shaz51 hope your days been good

[Bow]

Hi there too @Emelia8 hope your day has been oktoo 

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay Some good news this week - hold onto that to sustain you and try to move forward thinking of the positives in your life 

[Shaz51]

Hello and hugs @Bow 

How are you today xx

@Zoe7 , @BlueBay , @BPDSurvivor , @Maggie 

[BlueBay]

hi @Shaz51 @Bow @BPDSurvivor @Maggie @Owlunar @Emelia8  and others 

Thanks so much @Zoe7  hope you are well.

things turned around to a very negative mother this morning.

My D has a new partner, he is a very nice guy with two little girls.  She has been seeing him for 6 months.  

I told my sister last week who was very happy for my daughtyer.

Trouble is now - my mum

This morning we decided to visit my parents so my daughter could tell them of her new partner.

My dad was happy for her and my mum 'acted' out that she was happy. asked a few questions and that was that.

We came home after a little while and my sister calls me.  She received a phone call from my mum (which I feel was as soon as I left her house) to abuse my sister.  She literally went right off my sister and asked her 'how long have you known about the new boyfriend of my daughter".  my sister did not tell her that she already knew becasue we decided that would be a better option otherwise we both would have copped it from my mum.  but my poor sister still copped it.

my mum went right off saying 'well they have been together since June, i am positive you know before me'

my sister denied knowing and said well that's great, i am happy for her niece but insisted that she knew nothing

my poor sister was shakingn when she got off the phone and called me.  We are both angry becasue it's like my mum doesn't want us to talk to each other.  she wants us to break up and not talk to each other forever.  that is her wish i am sure of this.

why? why can't my mum be happy that my sister and I are close.  wouldn't a mum be happy with that? why would you want your children to fight and not talk?

would any parent want that??

i was so upset that i felt like grabbing the phone and having it out with my mum.  i wanted to tell her 'how dare you ring R and say to her what you did'.  you have no right to accuse her of knowing.  and even is she did - she is my sister.  why can't i tell my sister things.  

why do i have to be scared to tell my sister things? why am i so scared to visit my parents? 

every time i go to visit them i feel judged, like she is looking for errors in me as a mum. and today i felt that big time because my daugfhter's new partner has been married before with 2 children.

instead of being happy she is very very negative and outraged at my poor sister.

this is why i have so many issues and still have issues in my therapy sessions.  all because of her.

so i am goingn to limit my visits to her now, the next one will be xmas.  oh i asked her and dad if they would love to come over for christmas lunch, their reply - no. we will stay home.

ok so stay home, i really don't care anymore, i have m,y own chidlren who love me very much and a granddaughter who is so spoilt by me.

but it still hurts me because of my dad.

i am still angry, i am wanting to vent so much

@Owlunar  my mum is a real cow and that's saying it nicely. She's mean 

[Bow]

That sounds hard @BlueBay sorry. Relationships with parents... mums can be so difficult. 

[Zoe7]

Knowing the massive impact this is having on you @BlueBay I would not blame you for making that call and letting your mother know how angry and hurt you are - in-fact I would encourage you to do that. She can only continue to do this to you if you let her and dragging your sister in is uncalled for. You do not have to mention the call to your sister but voicing your frustration at her reactions would be well within your rghts. There is of course the real consequence that she will shut you out again but she does that regularly anyway - so stand up for yourself and your daughter and if your mother feels agrieved by that then that is her issue to deal with.

[BlueBay]

I know @Zoe7  but the issue with me doing that (phone call) would be no contact with my dad anymore. I'm not sure I can handle that again. 
this way now I will limit my visits to a bare minimum. and I can still see my dad. 

i know it's difficult but I have to outweigh the consequences. 
but for now I'm going to enjoy A outside in her pool.  She's trying to wet me with the water!!! She's a little devil. 😂 

[BlueBay]

Yes @Bow mums can be difficult. 
mine is a controlling manipulative cow who has to have her way all the time 

she's a narcissist and very negative 

the only reason I keep in contact is to see my dad. 

[Bow]

I’m sorry your relationship with your mum is so unpleasant- has it always been like that? Glad that you are close with your sister and dad though.

Can relate to the narcissist- my ex. 

I have a difficult relationship with my mum. Love her to bits and appreciate her, but things are often strained, I’m sure my psychologist when I start with her in 2 weeks will probably label it as a codependent relationship! At least I’ll see it coming. Just not sure how to change it.

ive never had a great relationship with my dad- they separated when I was little, he chose the new gf over me and keeping me safe. 

Gentle hugs