Need to vent

[Shaz51]

Just saw something on here that has made me feel scared, worried, paranoid ----- ohhh where my darling sister @BlueBay 

maybe I can help and I am sitting with you , holding you xxxxx

[Emelia8]

@BlueBay  💞🍀🌺

Emelia 

[grayhorn]

Hi Blue

I hear you about your job. Honest, I was a stay at home mum, before that I had a few casual jobs like picking apples, working in a commercial laundry, wiring up the new post office - but that was when there were lots of jobs for everyone. I'm officially a dinosaur. Being out of the workforce while my kids grew, then the birth of the internet and computers...I felt well and truely left behind.  I've only had 2 jobs where I felt I was part of a team and supported. I retired a few years ago, it was just too much trauma and I never told anybody or asked for help. It's one of my major flaws.I loved my work though.

I made a few vision boards, do you about them? you get an old peice of cardboard and a few old magazines and just cut out pictures of things that you resonate with, or that appeal to you, and glue them on the cardboard, then put your vision board in the corner of you bedroom, somewhere you'll see it out of the corner of your eye, and in maybe 6 months those things sort of fall into your life. That's been my experience anyway. I've only done it twice and watched a friend do it too with interesting results.

Sorry to rave on. We just had an afternoon of 3 storms, thunder, lightening, a bit of hail.  It's nice to hear the creek babbling again.

Hang in there. People care about you.  We are all mirrors for each other so there must be something pleasing in you that makes other want the best for you. Me too.

[BlueBay]

Not a good day 

what a shit emotional day

I hate it all 

everything

[Snowie]

Hi @BlueBay 

Sorry to hear your day has not been a good one.

Did you want to talk about it?

[BlueBay]

Thsnks @Snowie 

I had a terrible outpatient group therapy yesterday. I walked out in tears and couldn't go back in. Went in my car and sobbed more. The psychologist was talking about childhood and memories of good times. 

all I could think of was my sexual abuse. 

then tiday session with private psychologist and she asked me if  I have any friends from school.  I told her no. No friends at all. I have no memories of my primary school at sll except one time when I was touched I appropriately by a boy. 
I have no good times at high school either. 

I have no family photos. No childhood or bsby photos of me at all. NOTHING. 

Hubby has so many albums of his childhood 

I asked my mum years ago for our photo albums to show my children and gir me. Her response "oh I don't know where they are"

I'm feeling like a nobody a nothing 😢😢

[Snowie]

Sounds like it has been a triggering few days for you @BlueBay 😞

It is hard when our childhood is overshadowed by bad memories. I find it hard finding good memories from my childhood too. 

You are definitely not a nobody. You are important and valued by all of us here. 

Lots of love and hugs sweetie 💕💕💕

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Snowie  xx

[BlueBay]

Had a horrible disgusting scary dream last night 

death by others 

I was stuck in a room about to be killed 

I can't go into detail it's too much 

all I wanted at thst time was my dad 

I'm left shaken and very unsettled this morning 

lately I'm getting triggered very easily by things 

@Snowie @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @MDT @Maggie @Owlunar and others 

[Snowie]

That must have been extremely scary for you @BlueBay 

Sometimes our dreams are so vivid and feel so real.

Is there anything you can do for yourself to do some self care?