My Mosaic

[Jynx]

@Bow Oh no no no no I shall never accept an apology for sleepy sleeps!! Teehee only cos I know how hard it is for ya to nod off, and also - SLEEP MUY IMPORTANTE!! So I am glad you got some snoozles 😊

Mm well maybe it's a case of 'the simplest solution is most often correct' - could it literally just be the added stress of knowing/preparing for/enduring your mum being away? Do tell me if it feels like something more or else... but yeah, that is the 'unusual' factor here as far as I can tell. I could be wrong, and definitely wouldn't want to discourage you from exploring all avenues!

In terms of feeling like your supports won't take you seriously - I will say, it is less likely to my mind since it's not a new symptom, it's a ramping up of a known symptom. 

Do you pre-empt your disclosures with information about the weight of the disclosure on your mental state? aka something like "I wanna talk a bit about my dissociation, but it's hard because my anxiety tells me you won't take me seriously." I find that priming them to understand that I'm expressing vulnerability will soften the way they respond. 

Also, and sorry for spewing clinical stuff at ya, but an increase in dissociation resulting in significant memory gaps like that is also an increase in your level of risk, which any mental health professional worth their salt OUGHT to take very seriously. 

I reckon that's a great idea, getting your SW to email! Would that be your one task for the arvo? Cos you also gotta get some rest after all o that!!

[Bow]

Thanks @Jynx got some broken sleep. Woke at one point to my D standing beside my bed in the dark softly telling me that it’s storming! Frightened me!

I don’t know if it’s that @Jynx  oh well maybe it could be. Who knows. Guess we will find out come next weekend when mum returns?

sorry struggling with the rest of your words tonight. My head hurts and I just can’t focus everything feels all mixed up and a fog. 

I honestly don’t feel like they’d care. Comm mh that is. My SW will. She will listen and hear me. But the others. No. 

I feel so broken

[Jynx]

@Bow don't sweat it, I know I can get very wordsy haha so totally legit to look at a wall of text and just be like 'errr nope, no thanks, nuh uh, cannot, shant!' 😋

OMG creepy D ahaha. 

When are you able to next touch base with your SW?

Sweeping all the bit of ya up into a hug! 

🫂🫂

[Bow]

Not tonight anyways @Jynx  will try and remember to come back to it later when my brain is working a better. 

Yep creepy D. I think some times she just needs a bit of a hug and some reassurance. 

my SW was away today, but back tomorrow. Think she is busy most of the day though cause they got a harmony day event on. Maybe I can text or call though. 

fffff so tired just chatted to mum and couldn’t stop yarning 

[Jynx]

@Bow no drama llamas! We can just talk about lighter stuff if you like. No overwhelm the Bow brain!!

Aww yeah I reckon so - having to do same with my nephew a bit, he gets so sad whenever I'm about to leave for Naarm again. I get it, too, poor boy has lost both his significant father figures and he's only just turned 8! 

Definitely do both!! Text first then call. Even if you know she's busy all day - it's not up to you to manage her time after all! 

Hope it was an ok chat otherwise? Your mum having a nice trip?

[Bow]

That’s rough for your nephew @Jynx boys really do need men in their lives. My little bro was heaps young when his dad died and there were many years where he had no real father figure. You could tell too. 

D and I are actually heading out early in the morning. Giving her the day off school to go to a local book fair. She is excited. We both have our book lists ready. 

Yeah she is having a good time. My bro has his oncologist appointment tomorrow and will find out if he can come up here for a visit. Fingers crossed 🤞 

how was your day? Get some sun?

[Jynx]

@Bow Yeah for sure, and with my dad's illness, he's not really able to provide much of a dad figure to him either. Hopefully he can find some solid male role models, maybe at school!

Oooh it's been like.... no joke, about 20 years since I've been to a book fair! That sounds amazing! You'll have to share your haul!! 

Haha yeah, since it's my last day up here, N, P and I all had a nerf gun fight!! It was actually so much fun, nothing quite like hanging out with kids to bring out the inner child 😋

Just had some curry for dinner and then probs gonna tuck in early - if I don't end up wandering over to the beach! I do feel more comfortable to walk around at night up here, country-town vibes and all! Like my mum apparently just leaves the garage door open and her car unlocked all the time but no one has ever taken a thing! 😳😅

[Bow]

I shall indeed show you my book haul! @Jynx 

Funny thing… while eating dinner tonight D said we should have a nerf war! We got nerf guns probably the first time mum went away and we played heaps… but haven’t pulled them out for ages. Hmmmmm might have to find them and ambush her. I did see a cool idea once. Leaving them outside the door for them when they get home and you’re ready waiting inside. 

oh the beach at night. I do love that. It’s so calm and extra peaceful 

[Jynx]

@Bow hooray! 

Omg that is a funny coincidence!! And what a fab idea omg do it do it!! You could even set up a mini obstacle course or something!! 

Yeah it's exactly that! Soft rolling waves, no one about, just me and the waves under the stars 😌

Do you get to any beaches much? 

[Bow]

Oh the sound of waves crashing at night @Jynx  yes yes

we have beaches 40mins away but nah, don’t get there much. I think it’s the effort and mess. But tomorrow. The book fair is near the beach. There is a beach down there that has heaps of sea glass that I have been wanting to go to for ages. So will probably try and find that beach. 
D loves the beach. Should make more effort.