My Mosaic

[Jynx]

@Bow omigosh omigosh omigosh LOOK AT THEMMMMM 😍

Oh I'd totally use one of those as a little note pad or sketch book!! You gonna sell them at market? How've those been going btw? 

Ach, I'll have to find out tomorrow!! I will bid you nighty night, sleep tight, don't let the kitty cats bite!! Teehee. And I am sending you big piles of hugs, fortitude, hope, serenity, silliness, annnnnd a nice hot scoop of chillaxy vibes!! Rest well poppet 💜

[Bow]

My thoughts are just getting worse and worse. I feel nothing but overwhelming despair. I’m terrible alone and I’m so tired 

[Bow]

Sorry

[tyme]

Sitting with you @Bow .

I'm not sure what else I can say. I hear how hard it is with those pervasive thoughts. I wish I could disappear those thoughts from you so you can start living again.

Hugs to you.

[Snowie]

@Bow hope your appointment goes ok.

Take care of you hon

[Bow]

@Snowie @Jynx  I made it to my psychologist appointment just. Took a lot to get moving, bad night as always and just didn’t wanna go to my appointment. Didn’t wanna be honest with her. Scared of the consequences of telling the truth. 

my SW called a couple of times, wanting to confirm that she would meet me at health to sit and wait with me. I eventually sent her a message telling her I was scared to go, scared to  tell the truth of where my head is at and how dark and scary my thoughts are. 
she said that’s what my psych appointment are for, to tell the truth and to start working through the thoughts. 
I asked if she’d meet me outside instead of inside and walk in with me. She did. 
And then sat and told me that I just share what I feel comfortable sharing. Slow and steady. Only share what I’m up to sharing, just like what I did with her. It takes time to build trust/relationship. 

I felt a bit annoyed. I wasn’t sure if she was on the same page as me? Wasn’t sure if she was just referring to trauma stuff? 

then my CM came out. The receptionist ladies I don’t know, got their wires crossed and called my CM that I was there to see her as well. Anyways we went outside for 5 minutes to talk. I was thrown. Not prepared.  She just wanted to touch base, she had previously spoken to my psych probably about last week and how rough it’s been. Anyways, she’s gonna come see me Sunday. 

anyways psychologist appointment, we pretty much talked about where my heads at the whole time. How high my SI is. The lack of care I seem to have at the moment a lot of the time. How reckless I feel. That’s all scary. Especially with mum going away. 
avoiding a gp appointment. We talked a little about some things I can do to make the time mum is away a little less overwhelming. And how my ED behaviours are worse at the moment. Not sure I was really able to verbalise how bad it is though. I guess not telling the truth doesn’t help. 😩

I sent my SW a text this afternoon. Trying to be a bit more specific with her. I took a picture of a card… set of cards I made to her communicate with people my needs. I also sent her a picture of that suicide scale you sent me @Jynx  and told her what number I was at. That was at 2pm. Nothing. Fark it’s hard being honest and vulnerable. But who cares. No one. 

[Snowie]

Good to see you had your SW and CM around with your psych appt. @Bow I know how hard it was to go.

Sorry to hear about your SW hon. I hope she contacts you soon.

[Jynx]

@Bow a very intense day of appts for you hun. Did it feel like they were helpful/productive at least? 

Hope your SW gets in touch soon!! Maybe flick another message through? Just see where she's at?

[Bow]

Thanks @Snowie

just have to wait I guess

[Bow]

Not really @Jynx 

my SW will of finished now. So I’ll just have to wait. Wish she’d at least acknowledge my text and that she’d call me tomorrow to discuss further. Not the first time. 

Urgh I’m just over it. Tired of it all being such a bloody effort. What’s the point anymore. Feel like I’m such a hassle to everyone. Just so done