My Mosaic

[Bow]

Oook…. but you gotta say that, but no ok I appreciate that reassurance @Jynx im glad you enjoy your job so much. It is very unique. 

I actually talked with my support worker about you today. She tries to do a home visit once a week.

Was explaining to her all that happened yesterday, think she genuinely was trying to understand how a flashback can spiral me so quickly into a really bad state. 

She later asked me if I see a pattern in my bad days and I mentioned that weekend’s are often rough cause I don’t have my usual supports but then mentioned sane. I’m usually pretty hesitant in mentioning it cause I fear being found I guess. But I told her all about it and what y’all do and I told her how ya supported me last night. 

we talked heaps about my ED, some of the experiences I’ve had, especially in hospital. 

[Jynx]

Haha @Bow if you need me to swear on a bible I will! 

I'm glad to hear your SW is doing so much to try to understand you. That makes a difference hey!! Helps us feel like we're actually cared for. 

Sounds like it was a big conversation! How you feeling about it all now?

[Bow]

It sure does @Jynx  i really appreciate it when people take the time to ask questions and want to delve a bit deeper, especially when they know things aren’t ok and talking might be a bit harder. Feels like they care, want to know, want to understand and aren’t just ticking boxes. Feels like I kinda matter. That I’m actually a person and not a number. 

it was a pretty big conversation. And wasn’t really expecting it. Was really vulnerable with her @Jynx specially with the trauma stuff. Walked her through how it all spirals with flashbacks and how it can go one of two ways. 

its hard now to take a step back after everything I said and be like oh crap I told her that…. and that….  and that secret Urgh and I’ll probably see her tomorrow

[Jynx]

@Bow Yeah 100% - and we can usually 'feel' when they're being genuine hey. And it gives you a yard stick to measure by!! You know the quality of relationship that you find to be supportive, and anyone who doesn't measure up isn't the right fit for you!

Honestly sometimes the spontaneous ones are better anyway! For me, it's cos I haven't really thought ahead so stuff that maybe I didn't even realise I wanted to get off my chest will come pouring out. I hope the discussion left you feeling heard and perhaps a little lighter too 😉

Aye it can feel really hectic hey, like you're all exposed... I reckon that will ease off when you next see her, or hopefully it will. 

[Bow]

100% agree @Jynx  real genuine relationship with people that actually do give a rats. And them spontaneous convos. 
It’s always hard having to start again with a support worker but when ya have convos like I did today, it really helps. Even though I sent her a text to start with today to let her know how bad the last 24hrs has been, I was then able to verbalize and talk about so much other meaningful stuff . 

just been having a play with the kitties. They race around so much, diving off stuff and doing somersaults. I gave them a heap of fluffy sparkly pompoms tonight and little Boq picked on and was running around everywhere with it in his mouth. 

 

 

 

[Jynx]

@Bow yessss I am so glad to hear it!! You bloody well deserve it hun, having that space to feel safe and heard!!

omgomgomgomgomg KITTIESSSS they're soo cute!! WOW they've grown so much already! Blue eyes all gone, I bet they've got their leaping legs now too!! Bless 😍

Here's some kitty pics right back!

This my partner's cat - 

And some Trixie pics!!

[Bow]

Oh yes their leaping legs oh my gosh @Jynx  im often surprised at how far they can jump yet they are still so tiny! Gotta take ‘em all out to the shelter on Friday for vaccinations. 
they are all fast asleep now. All tuckered out after play and with full belly’s! 

those kitties are so cute! Your partners cat looks very chilled! And is Trixie mid sneeze? 

[Jynx]

@Bow hehe lil tums all full!! I know right, they're surprisingly athletic, even when OH SO SMOL

I think she's mid-yawn? But in my brain, she's yelling 'YEARNING. I HAVE A WANT. YOU MUST RESOLVE THIS. NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT BUT... YEEEEEAAAARRRRNING" lol 

I should say nighty night!! I hope you are covered in purrballs and have a super restful night! Chat next time 💜

[Bow]

I’m so tired of feeling so dam awful all the time not a life I wanna live anymore

[Ru-bee]

I hear that it's exhausting @Bow and it's so understandable that you're wanting a reprieve from feeling this way.

Have there been any times recently when things have felt even a bit less awful?