Moving forward (sexual abuse )

[eth]

@outlander this will be a post about what happened when I was 15.  3 boys from school took me horse riding one day.  After a while 2 of them rode away and 1 of them and I stopped for a 'talk'.  He forced himself on me then.  After that I got back on the horse in a total fright state (me).  I was very new to riding.  I decided to ride back to his mother's homestead.  Foolishly (understandably tho) wanted the horse to go fast not knowing the rule about not giving a horse it's head in the home paddock.  The horse ran straight for a tree after a bit and I could see the branches were too low.  I leaned down beside it's neck thinking to let the horse take the blow instead of me(not wise).  The next thing I was getting up off the ground.  Must have blacked out.  I had landed in a mimosa patch.  I ran to catch the horse but had thorns all through me all over my body.  I had to rip my jeans off to stop them from rubbing on the thorns.  The next thing I remember is his mother trying to remove 100s of thorns.  Must have blacked out again.  After that I had to be taken to hospital to have 5 of them lanced as they were in so deep.  And for a long time after that (years) every now and then a thorn would come to the surface and be infected around the wood.  This event stopped me from making it to the national titles for rowing.  I didn't tell my parents what the boy had done to me and I still had to go to school with him.  My mum saw bruises on my breasts and punished me for being promiscuous.  

[eth]

The other story I mentioned last night I will put here too @outlander.  When I was 25, because I had previously had cervical cancer from hpv, I had to have a pap smear when I was 25 weeks pregnant.  The Dr ruptured the amniotic sack with a cytobrush he used (which said on the label not to be used on pregnant patients).  This was his 2nd attempt to get the right cells.  I lost my waters on his table and he drove me to a nearby hospital.  They kept me flat on my back for 5 days but then I went into labour.  This lasted for 52 hours and then I delivered at 2 pound baby.  She was so tiny she was called sugar bag for some time (almost 1kg).  But she was a fighter and she survived.  But the early birth and extra oxygen caused her to have an eye condition that meant she became legally blind.  She had her first surgery when she was still only 4 1/2 pounds (2kg).  That was so scary.  But it worked and her vision has been mostly stable since then.  2 more surgeries over the years.  Fast forward 29 years and I have a fiercely independent adult child who is also a parent now and doing quite well at that.  But what that Dr did to me traumatised me as much as the rape or any other experience I'd had before then.  

[outlander]

Oh my @eth you poor thing!
Those two times are terrible!.
Horse riding should be fun not a chance to be taken advantage of. Oh yes the 'talk' id only i knew then what i know now. I wouldve has someone else with me for that talk. What possess people to do these things is beyond me.
And your child too wow thats horrible what happened and couldve been prevented as well.
Im glad to know that they are independent as well and a parent wow that is good news!
Im sorry all that happened to you @eth 💕💕💕

[eth]

Thanks @outlander.  I was pretty stirred up writing that stuff but am ok now.  There is more but I don't want to tell it all at once.

How are you this morning?

[outlander]

Aww @eth
I get it. I really do. Im glad your abit better today. Please only tell what your comfortable with. If this is it them that is fine if theres other things only tell them at your pace. Im not going anywhere anytime soon 💕💕

Im ok though very tired. I just want to flop back down into bed and stay there today

[outlander]

how are you going @eth after revelaing this information?

[eth]

Ok thanks @outlander but very tired.  Catch up with you next time.  Going to bed soon.

[outlander]

@eth 💕 💕 💕

[eth]

@outlander  hope you're feeling better by now.  I'm here if you're awake.

[outlander]

Not really @eth
Im still up too
Im scared the monsters will come and get me if i go to sleep. One of the main reason why I like havin g someone around or "with" me on here