Moving forward (sexual abuse )

[Former-Member]

Ok so this has set me off the rails and it set it off all the time.
The person who abused more than once and did othr things to me is the father of my youngest sister. He often sends a card at her birthday, easter and christmas but at easter and xmas he often sends a card but writes just to then our names from his name.
This time however he wrote to me and said to my name then love from dad- his name.
Its making me feel very sick and bringing up a lot of memories and sensations and its disgusting me. I cant stand being in my own body. I feel really gross

i can see what was happening to me. i can feel it. the memories are really strong and i can see everything that was being done to me and its making me feel quite sick

@Former-Member@Adge@Appleblossom@Faith-and-Hope

[Faith-and-Hope]

Send the card back @Former-Member. It won't fix everything, but it will fix that part. You will be giving him the clear message that what he did is not okay and you do not accept communications from him.

It's slamming the door in his face.

💙💕

[Former-Member]

I blocked him on fb and everything already to get away and created a new fb account as well
Im so scared @Faith-and-Hope what if i contracted something and i cant keep it quiet. Then ill have to tell my mum and everything i cant do that!
What do i say about the card then shes going to ask me why i sent it back and i dont want to say anything. I dont know how to give it back either. I dont know if he still lives where i last knew and i could send it back by post but i dont want to cause trouble ans anymore arguments that are already going on

[Faith-and-Hope]

Then those are the boundaries you have to work with @Former-Member .... choices are often about what leads on from the choices more than they are about the choice itself.

[Former-Member]

I dont get it @Faith-and-Hope can u explain that plz

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member ....

It means that if you choose to do one thing it will lead to awkward questions or outcomes that mean your mother finds out what happened.  If you choose to do another thing, then it is safer in terms of your mother not finding out, but more difficult to live with in another sense,   It doesn't sound like any of your choices are easy, so you probably need to go with the one that is easiest to live with, in terms of priorities.

It sounds to me like your highest priority is your mother not finding out.

Have you talked this over with your psychologist ?

Do you feel it has helped you to be able to tell us about the card ?

💙

[Former-Member]

oh ok @Faith-and-Hope now i get it

yes i dont want my mum to find out either

no i havent as yet F&H im just about to start with another psychologist in the next few weeks but until then i dont have a psychologist

yeah i guess it has, at least people on here understand

i just... i dont know what to do anymore

[Faith-and-Hope]

It can sure feel like that sometimes @Former-Member ... I know I feel it in our situation .... but I keep moving forward in baby steps, knowing that we will get to a better place.  Solutions and healing take time, and it's not a smooth path.

Distractions, self-soothing activities like drawing and colouring, etc all help to get us there ....

Hugs .... 💙💐💕

[Former-Member]

i wish i was older and wiser @Faith-and-Hope then id hopefully know what to do

[outlander]

@eth its on page 4 about halfway down itsby a former member as i deleted myself then came back