In the middle of nowhere

[petrichor]

Hi @tyme I think everything is a bit much for me.

[tyme]

Hi @petrichor ,

Things may seem too much for you today, and that's absolutely valid. I acknowledge your honesty in sharing that things are simply NOT okay today.

Let's work together to help you through the next 5-10mins. Take each moment as it comes.

For now, would you like to share a cuppa? Which tea would you like? Otherwise, coffee? This is your time. You are in control 🙂 and I'm happy to sit with you.

tyme

[petrichor]

Hi @tyme 

I'm tired of being strong. Right now I’d just like some fresh food. Like a Caesar salad with lettuce and bacon and egg and croutons and Parmesan. I actually just want lettuce. Or fresh veggies. Something fresh raw and crunchy. I can’t remember the last time I had fresh veggies or salad. Do you like veggies?

[tyme]

@petrichor , 

It's okay to say that you don't feel strong. I am proud of how far you have come already! It's about progress (even if you don't feel you have made progress).

I have been eating so much junk food lately, that I wouldn't mind some fresh veggies too. I tend to like veggies separately rather than in a salad. I love quirks cucumbers, capsicums, cos lettuce. I tend to munch on these when I'm working. Bad habit, but I eat on the run.

When you mentioned crunchy, it also reminds me that I pick foods based on texture. When I feel lazy, anything that doesn't require chewing is my go-to lol.... sounds like I eat baby food.

It's so great that people have so many different unique likes and dislikes.

Are you watching/reaching anything tonight?

tyme

[petrichor]

@tyme 

What kind of junk food do you eat? I eat burgers or schnitty with chips. I have instant mash, I think I’ll eat that tonight. It’s really cold. I eat what I can tolerate at the time. I have a choking reflex that plays up when I’m unwell that makes it hard to eat sometimes and is a bit embarrassing. I try to eat more. 

I’ve made progress but I get overwhelmed with life and it makes me angry and I have thoughts then that I’m not supposed to have and that makes me more angry that people then say I’m sick. I’m not a danger to others and I believe my life is my decision. But the medical world doesn’t see it that way. I’m trying to manage that anger and that makes me tired. Being overwhelmed and angry makes me so tired of life. 

What do you read / watch? I can’t concentrate on stories when I’m overwhelmed but I like spelling words, counting and naming colours. So I just look at things in a movie or spell words in a book and count anything that I do, like how many times I stir a coffee or shake a towel etc all the day to day things and depending on the day it has to be a special number or an even or uneven number or a prime number etc I like numbers. Numbers are so much better. I’ve always been like that. 

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @petrichor. That’s so interesting about spelling and counting.

It sounds like anger plays a huge part in your life. Have you worked with someone to better manage anger? It is also good to know that anger is a natural part of life - it’s the behaviour associated with anger which may pose a problem. I used to think anger was a “bad” emotion, and because I experienced it often, I considered myself a “bad’ person. With much support from my treating team, I learnt to accept anger as neither good or bad - but rather, an emotion.

As for junk food, I tend to eat things on the run. Sausage rolls, hot dogs, pies and cakes! Hopefully it’s only this week because I’m volunteering in a special program this week which provides food and that’s what they provided. It’s a charity program that focuses on working with asylum seekers/refugees. My diet will be better next week - I hope.

Have you had dinner tonight?

tyme

[petrichor]

Thanks @tyme  I’ve had some plain instant mash. I’m just sad now, my friend died. Good night.

[tyme]

I’m so sorry to hear @petrichor ! It’s added stress now!

Please stay safe, and if you feel the need, I’d encourage you to reach out to crisis services:

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

If in immediate danger: 000

[petrichor]

Is this how people grieve? Remember the person and happy memories, asking why, looking at old pictures, cry if possible and move on? I’m not good with grief.

[petrichor]

🤯🤬😵‍💫😢 my day